The Family Journal

A Letter to the Older Rich Brown

2012-02-08T20:23:00.001-05:00

Dear Rich,

This is a letter from you at 44. This is the letter to remind you that in the winter of 2011-2012 that you learned that your old age will be marked with arthritis and pain.

You loved to run. Running was a joy. Nothing helped you unwind or give you more energy than lacing up your shoes, turning on the music and heading out the door. You could run on pavement or trails, in the heat, or rain, or cold. You could move, too! You could easily post a seven minute pace - faster on the shorter distances like the 2 Mile Run for the Army Physical Fitness Test. Nothing gave you greater pleasure than easily beating Cadets or young Soldiers and knocking down their swagger a notch or two. A couple of times you actually won medals and you used to finish in the top ten percent of your age group when you raced in 5k and 10k races.

Up until December 2011, you could run for three, four, five miles at a time without aches or pains. Then one day that pain in the right knee just didn't go away. Remember how you used to always run through the pain - which seemed to go away after a mile? Remember how, one day running on Ft. Bragg at lunch the pain just stayed with you the whole run? Remember how, when you went to your brother's for Christmas that it radiated all the way up to your hip? Remember how you were finally forced to that orthopedist had he showed you in black and white and shades of gray how you were losing the cartilage in your right knee?

How many knee replacements have you had since then? One? Two? If the pain is anything like the daily discomfort you feel in 2012, I do not envy you. If it grows over time, I pity you. Pain can color your whole day. Hopefully the pain has gone away as you learned to compensate with other activities.

Did you take to biking? At least you can get outside and feel the sun, listen to some music, and watch the landscape roll by. At least you can do that with Lisa and the two of you can keep close(r) together than when you run. I can't imagine you being sedentary. You will not make a jolly fat man. Whatever it is I hope you found something to keep you active.

Did you ever bite the bullet and run a marathon just to do say that you did? How many ibuprofen and bags of ice did you go through? What made you think that you had to cross that off your list? I bet you walked funny(ier) after that.

Oh, no - You don't walk with a limp do you? The little one that accompanies you now from the parking lot to work is noticeable to others because they ask about it. Do they let you to the front of the lines at Disney World?! Right now you keep thinking it will go away. A thought you've had for a few months now. I know you thought that you'd be the perfect specimen of health in your 50s and 60s, but by 45 there were some reasons to doubt it.

You always believed that running and fitness was an investment for the future of health and viability. I hope that if you never got to run again that you found a way to continue to pay into that account. It sucks to get old. It sucks even more when you are still young enough to see old age as a far away destination - but one you look less forward to arriving at.

Maybe it will work out where the MRI will show that there is something else going on, something more repairable than not having enough cushion in your kneecaps.

Who knows.

Who knows, maybe you are bouncing a grandchild on that knee right now. Speaking of grandchildren, it is noteworthy to mention that today would have been your mom's 70th birthday. It's hard to believe that she never met TJ and never knew Grant would even exist. I don't think she took as good of care of herself as she could have. You owe it to your children and their children to be around and love them with all that you can offer.

Take care of yourself.

Happy Birthday, Neighbor!

2012-01-29T17:43:00.000-05:00

I can't imagine what 80 feels like. Last week Betty celebrated her 80th birthday with the boys, flowers, cupcakes, cards and small presents. She's still spry and on top of things; she's politically motivated (far to the right), technologically aware (she belongs to a Mac users club), and has successfully managed her own finances into a comfortable retirement. But still, 80 years is a long time.

In eighty years so much has changed in the world that when you list some of humanities accomplishments its a little mind boggling; space travel, atomic power (and weapons), walking on the moon, computers that fit in the palm of your hand, the internet. Imagine a time traveler from 1932 walking out their machine and imagine them not thinking they stepped onto another planet.

When I was born music was played on vinyl records and only the uber-rich could watch movies at home on a movie projector. In forty-four years plenty has changed just in how we are entertained. My boys both play with my iPhone. TJ is a pro and is able to open apps and play complicated games - okay, Angry Birds, might not be "complicated" per se but there are some levels I still can't get three stars on. Grant understands how to "swipe" to make things happen on the screen. What will technology look like for them in 80 years?

At 80, Betty is at another transition in her life, something we referred to the other day as "retiring from retirement." The huge house that she lived in with her husband in their retirement in Florida is now too much for her to manage and keep up. Ten years ago that house was full of parties and people. And, as with some things, change comes slow. Her husband, Bob, passed away. Other people became too old and too infirm, social circles break down. Life happens. The realization came to her last year that it was time to move on to the "next thing" So, over the past few months she has reduced and simplified the amount of "stuff" in her house and is ready to put it on the market.

Wanting to be closer to the grandkids she had a choice between North Carolina and Missouri from Florida. It was no contest. Pictures of the snow piles in Missouri was all it took to convince Betty that she would make it through the first winter there. North Carolina is cold enough. For the last two weeks she looked in this area at retirement villages, condos, and homes and in the end bought a brand new ranch two streets away from us in our neighborhood.

We couldn't be happier.

Growing up I lived about half a mile from one of my grandmothers and four miles away from the other. Until they passed away my grandparents were always in my life. We saw them after church, shoveled their snow in the winter and mowed their lawns in the summer. They were waiting for us when we got off the bus while mom and dad worked and spoiled us with cookies. They passed on stories of growing up in different times and different hardships. You didn't visit my grandparents because they were a part of the immediate family.

By the spring Betty will be a short walk away from us. Without fully knowing the full impact, the dynamic of this family will change as grandma becomes a steady fixture in our lives instead of someone we road trip to go spend time with.

Happy birthday, Betty, we look forward to many more years together.

Playing With Technology

2012-01-20T20:19:00.003-05:00

This cute little thingy is not a alien invader left over from some Atari 2600 game but rather a QR code - a way for your Smartphone to automatically go to a website, open a Facebook page, call a phone listing, or email a designated recipient. Pretty neat huh?

I created this code in about two minutes on a free QR code creator while I was doing some research for a friend's business. Literally. Two minutes. Thirty seconds of which were spent sipping my coffee reading the website.

I linked the code back to our family journal and posted the code on Facebook. At last count this journal had 3319 visits. Come back in after the weekend to see how many more we get - just from posting on Facebook.

Technology, when it is as easy as this is, is great to work with. And yet we never figured out how to stop the VCR from blinking 12:00. Anyway - thanks for stopping by and participating in my experiment!

And We're Walking, We're Walking

2012-01-13T20:41:00.002-05:00

Grant's "Walk Switch" turned on yesterday. Literally. He went from one or two steps and falling on his bottom to walking across the room. From one or two steps to as far as he can go in a straight line overnight. It is amazing to watch them grow up. Having TJ so far apart from Samantha I thought I forgot all of these little moments over the course of a decade of life. Not so. Watching Grant I realized that I can hardly remember TJ at this age; pulling himself up on furniture and bobbling across the room. These moments are so fleeting in the course of days as they turn into years overlaid with other events both big and small.

We started to capture those moments for the kids by saving all of our cell phone, iPhone, and camera videos on the Mac to make a DVD called Tid Bits - which is nothing more than five to sixty second videos in as close to chronological order as possible. Most are silly or nonsensical but they jog the memory and make Lisa and me smile.

The other big project I have taken on is to transfer all of our camcorder video onto the Mac and burning them onto DVDs. As I am getting better at editing I am cutting out the "oops" moments where the camera was left on, or for scenes that just go on and on and on. In twenty years DVDs might be as old and passe as VHS and laser discs but at least they will be there for the kids to upgrade onto the next generation of technology.

Now that he is walking we enter into the toddler years. Grant is a fast learner. He watches his big brother and copies his behavior as much as possible. The other night he tried to step up the stairs - crawl he can do in about 23 seconds (and therefore needs to be watched like a hawk) - but this was lifting his foot up onto the step and trying to get up. Same goes for the couch - try as he might he cannot get up there yet. However, when he is lifted up he sits at the end of the couch and puts his arm on the arm rest.

I love watching these boys grow up. I wish I had more of these memories of Samantha from when she was small although we did find a video of when she was two or three years oldand need to transfer that too. Anyone still own a VHS player?!

A Walk Down Memory Lane Part I

2012-01-04T13:56:00.001-05:00

For 2012 we are going to add something old to our new entries - reminisces from the past; from old letters, emails, and photos as a way to remember how this family started out. A friend of Lisa's sent the following email back to her the other day after coming across it seven plus years after she sent it!

From: Lisa Blockus

Sent: Thursday, September 02, 2004 1:54 PM

To: Recipient List Suppressed

Subject: Our BIG News!

Hey to all. . . .

Due to our excitement, all that has happened in Rich and Lisa's lives the past 5 days, and desire to get the word out, we'll just cut to the chase and say that Lisa and Rich are ENGAGED! Yep! That's right. Lisa is glowing, Rich picked out a beautiful ring proposed, and now we both are spreading the word to our families and friends.

The story, you ask? How did it happen? Well. . . let us tell you.

(Lisa writing) I'll start off by saying that these past two and a half weeks have been a gift for Rich and I. As many of you know, if life went according to plan, Rich would have left for Fort Bragg North Carolina on August 14th and then soon after he'd be heading off to Iraq with his Army Reserve unit. But, plans change, orders get adjusted, and opportunity knocked for Rich to try to get some extra time at home and it worked. We were given the rare gift of time-- 2 1/2 weeks of it! Totally unexpected, but totally celebrated! In many ways I felt as if I had won the lottery, it could not have been more perfect. We focused on us, counted our blessings, lived for the moment, and discovered how absolutely "right" all of this felt.

So, with all of that said, Rich actually proposed-- ring in hand-- this past Saturday, August 28th. We had a rather laid back day with no real commitments except for a sunset cruise on our friend Renee's sailboat that evening. This was to be the first time Rich and I went sailing together. And boy, was I excited for him to experience one of my big passions in life. My wish was for him to get bitten by the sailing bug too. Then, I thought, we truly could live happily ever after.

The evening started out GREAT! We boarded Renee's boat only to find wine, crackers, and cheese out ready for us to nibble on and music playing. How sweet, I thought. Renee and her boyfriend, Al, soon joined us and we left the dock ready for a great sail. About 20 minutes into our voyage we got caught in a torrential downpour. Thank goodness I brought Rich and I some rain gear. We got soaked! With no hope of an end to the rain in sight, we took down the sails and headed back in. A short sail, a quick introduction to the world of sailing. I hoped that this rain and this experience wouldn't taint Rich's impression of the sport. With a quick goodbye to Renee and Al, I rushed Rich back into the car where we could regroup, avoid the rain and head home.

(Rich writing) So, my plan for the sunset cruise didn't go as planned. But it was indeed planned. Lisa had NO idea that I had been talking to her friend Renee and that had been the plan all along. Lisa caught me putting a towel into my bag and thought it funny that I was bringing it along "in case we got wet". What she didn't know was that the champagne was in there, along with the ring. Despite the rain I did have a good time! But I was a bit lost on what to do now.

I had thought of some other proposal ideas but now time was running short for us and quite frankly, I wanted to propose. So as we pulled into the driveway the last thick raindrops were falling around us the the moon was up. We were soaked, and chilly, and happy to be with one another. Lisa made the comment that it would be a great time to get into a hot tub, if only we had one. I replied that I could do better than a hot tub and presented Lisa the ring. Shock, bewilderment, let me tell you, Lisa had no clue.

(Lisa) Yep. I was speechless for a while. Was this really happening? Tonight? In the rain? Rich asked if I would marry him and held out the ring. I think I said yes and I think that Rich helped put the ring on my finger but I think my shock and excitement took over my ability to communicate (and remember) effectively. I do know that I begged to move into the light and go inside because I could not get a clear visual on the ring. We quickly ran inside and continued our conversation and our celebration.

The past few days have been wonderful as we have started to share our news with others. Rich and I Ran the Puds Run 5K on Sunday and I was most impressed that as Rich was introducing me to people he knew how easily the word "fiance" rolled off his tongue. And how fun it was to hear it!

Rich received his new orders from the Army and is going to Fort Bragg on Thursday, September 2nd followed by his deployment to Iraq in late September. But regardless of this sad news, our time together and this engagement has obviously solidified who we are as a couple and our future together. We could not be more happy as we enter this new (and sometimes frightening) chapter of our lives. This year apart from Rich in hostile territory is going to be tough. With your prayers, hugs, and words of encouragement, the year will go by quickly and before you know it, it will be time to watch us walk down the isle as husband and wife! Wow!

(Rich) To echo Lisa's words, these past two and a half weeks have been a Godsend. In life we need to make the most of the time we have, and that's what we did. Everything over the past few weeks has been one fulfilling moment after another and I have come the realization of everything that I have been searching for - for so long. I am more prepared to face the mental and emotional challenges ahead because Lisa is by my side, no matter how far away we are physically. How lucky are we!

(Lisa) Thanks for reading our news and sharing in our excitement. Please know that you can keep up with both of us on our online blogs. Rich's will be all about life in Iraq and Lisa's will be all about life as a obsessed bride planning her wedding. Should be interesting, stay tuned!

Our Love,

Lisa and Rich

Merry Christmas 2011

2011-12-31T11:58:00.001-05:00

It's the last day of the year in 2011. We have just returned from the frosty north in New York after a long, long ride in the car from Washington, DC (more on that later). We enjoyed a whirlwind Christmas with the boys and Sam, Andy and his family, and Tina and Neal and their son, Hanson.

Christmas really took hold of TJ this year, and now that he "gets it" was super, super excited on Christmas eve and was bouncing off the furniture. I can only imagine this behavior amplifying in the years to come when both boys are ready for Santa. We put on a small get together for the families on the street and had an hour of cocktails, milk and cookies, caroles, and topped it off with reading, Twas the Night Before Christmas. We have been trying to find a family tradition that fits the holidays and this seems like it. I was spent by 9:00pm and fell asleep on the couch.

For some reason I was the first one up on Christmas morning and made sure that Santa Claus stopped at the house. I was able to make coffee, start cinnamon rolls, and check Facebook before the other stirred. We followed my mother's tradition of one-present-at-a-time and watched TJ's excitement getting his Bakugan toys and his Beyblade while Grant seemed thrilled with shiny wrapping paper.

We enjoyed a full breakfast and got on the road by 10:30am to drive to New York to see my brother. This was the first time Andy had met Grant and the first Christmas with my side of the family since at least 2003. The kids; Alyssa, Luc, and Samantha are all teenagers now. Its scary to see just how big they are, especially when Alyssa can drive herself! Seeing the three of them with the two little ones reminds me just how much I miss my parents.

We celebrated Christmas with everyone on Monday after Sam joined us in the early afternoon. Samantha really enjoyed her Harry Potter House of Slitheren hat and scarf set that the boys got her. The cold and the wind kept us inside for most of the three days we were there and reminded us that we do not miss New York.

We headed out for Washington, D.C. on Thursday to visit with Lisa's grad school roommate (and our maid of honor), Tina along with her husband and son. Three boys in a house. Another reminder why we should not try for a third child! TJ, 4; Hanson, 2; and Grant, 1; made the evening fun chasing one or the other to make sure toys were shared fairly and no one fell over, rolled down the stairs, or poked the other. The adults spent the night drinking beer or very good bourbon and talking until we almost fell asleep on the the couch.

Friday, we took the kids to the Smithsonian Air and Space Annex out near Dulles Airport. The two smallest tagged along so the old roomies could catch up. TJ ran from one plane to the next - especially the ones with g-u-n-s! Of course, I was right with him! There was a shuttle, a SR-71, a Concorde, and dozens of planes from WWII. It was a really cool way to spend a few hours.

We drove home through a parking lot called I-95; an absolutely miserable experience from D.C. to Richmond. I was not at my best.

We are home! We are cleaning and washing and tidying and sorting through a week of holiday stuff. The New Year is less than ten hours away! We pray for a safe and happy 2012.

Redemption

2011-12-24T16:58:00.001-05:00

I have made many mistakes in my life. I have fallen down to the point where I did not know if I could ever get up again. I have seen the worst in man, and the worst in my self.

This holiday is about redemption and second chances for God so loved us he sent his only son to come unto this world to die for us. What an amazing gift. And while I typically keep my spirituality to myself, this is the night and tomorrow is the day to share the good news.

I have my second chance and I live it every day with a wonderful wife and three beautiful children. In no small part thanks to the grace of God.

Merry Christmas to all.

Happy, Happy. Merry, Merry. Joy to the World

2011-12-23T21:05:00.001-05:00

Making Cookies!

Pretty Lights Outside

Pretty Lights Inside. Too!

Our Lovely Staircase.

TJs Pre-K Concert!

It's Time to Play the Music, It's Time to Light the Lights

2011-12-17T06:35:00.001-05:00

I wonder what's in here?

I get the bottom half...

The holiday season is firmly upon the Brown household and once again we are working to catch up.

How does it get to be mid-December so quickly after Thanksgiving?!

We are now only a week away from Christmas - too much, too soon, too little time.

Even though we feel like we are constantly being overwhelmed by events we have been busy. The first good news is that we got our Christmas Cards out. Wow. I think we set a record on how early the majority of them hit the post office. Good teamwork.

Next: outdoor lights are out. . . Rich started the process in November. We made an agreement that it would be much more pleasant to hang them when it was 65 degrees in Novemember as long as we didn't turn them on until after Grant's birthday. So we waited. Yet, the yard still seems to be a work in progress. TJ quickly exclaimed that he wanted as many lights as our neighbor. Sigh. If you ask mom, the neighbor crosses the line toward tacky, but for a 4 year old, I guess tacky is cool. So, mom acquiesced. There are now glowing snowman heads around our tree. . . and worst yet, they change color. Ugh!

The other major accomplishment is that we put up the tree! TJ was a big help this year with the hanging of the ornaments. He wanted to touch each and every one of them. Grant even did his part by trying to hang one of his toys on the tree. It was really quite cute. . .he crawled over and lifted up onto his knees while reaching toward the tree with his little wobble toy. Its like he knew what we were doing and he wanted to take part too.

Dad get's the top half.

He puts 'em up and I take 'em down.

Next, we made the ever important visit to see Santa. This year we went to Fort Bragg. TJ was a little shy at first sight, but when it was his turn he went right up to Santa and got on his lap. He knew the drill. He posed for a picture and then talked to Santa. Not so sure what words were exchanged, but I am pretty sure that TJ asked for bey blades, a laser truck (whatever that is), and bakugans. Then it was Grant's turn. At first, he had a deer in the headlights look of "where am I and who is this dude with the beard?" and then the tears came. He was not too happy being separated from daddy so quickly. We did the best we could with a picture and let it go with that. And we went to see Santa so TJ could tell him what he wanted and Grant could cry at the man with the white beard and big red suit. Plus lights are up on the outside of the house (but we did that in mid-November).

This year, we are attempting a new tradition. . . a Christmas Eve gathering with the neighbors (yes, even the ones with the tacky lights). Cookies, cocoa, and a reading of the "'Twas the Night Before Christmas." We hope to even try some caroling. And Lisa already is scheming a day when the boys are a bit older to arrange a door-to-door caroling tradition too.

So, with a few days left until the big day, a lot of things are checked off our list. . . but some big things still remain. But isn't it always that way come Christmas?

In case you don't hear from us sooner, Merry Christmas and may the blessings of God be upon you in the New Year!

Grant Robert Brown is One Year Old

2011-12-04T13:33:00.001-05:00

Grant turned one on Thursday, December 1, 2011.

Ready for My Party

I'll get the specifics out of the way and let Lisa reflect on the what the milestones were.

Jessica and Emma!

Grant's birthday started with Lisa, TJ, and I coming into his room while he was still asleep. He looked blissful on his belly, in quiet slumber. We launched into "Happy Birthday" and Grant immediately sat upright and rubbed his eyes. He turned to see the three of us singing to him and broke out a huge smile to greet us.

Mmmm, cake! Frosting!

Mommy dressed him in a "My First Birthday" outfit and at the usual time we were all on the road to work, school, and the nanny. We met up again at Moe's for dinner and Grant engaged everyone who would look at him with a great big smile as if to say, "hey, it's my birthday today!" The rest of his birthday was quiet before bedtime. Unlike a year prior, it was a generally quiet and simple day.

Can You Eat the Plate Too?

However...

On Saturday we had Grant's birthday party; a small hoop-dee-hoo get together. Our invite list was small but significant in the people who have been important in our son's life over the last three hundred sixty five days. Emma and Jessica, Grant's babysitters from Camp came up for the weekend. They had only seen him for the last four months in pictures and at that time Grant wasn't even crawling yet! The Newtons; Tammi, Alec, and Tucker came down from North Raleigh. Ellie and Nika came from down the street. Meredith, Grant's nanny, and her daughter also made it.


Hooray!

Grant was awesome. He understood, somehow, that the party was for him and that he was the center of attention. He did not disappoint his fans. He tore into presents and showed everyone his new ability to clap on request.

Grant learned about cake. Cake is not just something you eat. I turns out that cake is something you wear. On your face. On your clothes.

It's my reflection that it is a minor miracle to see your little boy bring joy to friends and strangers alike with nothing more than a big smile. On this day - as with most every day with Grant - he caused a lot of people to smile and be happy.

Happy birthday, Grant Robert.

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-12-01T21:16:00.001-05:00

Happy Post-Thanksgiving in pictures and words.

We drove to Orlando and stayed at Disney's Saratoga Springs Resort right next to Downtown Disney. The kids are still too small to enjoy road trips the way Lisa and I do; looking for funny sights along the way. Our latest is a bunch of billboards throughout Florida for a doctor who does vasectomies. The ad isn't funny, but the picture of doctor - with one big, bushy unibrow is. In fact its hysterical to think that the last thing you might see before you go under the knife is his eyebrow poking out over the top of his mask. When you are driving for seven or eight hours you need to make it fun or you can really jeopardize the entire trip. I am thankful that they boys travel so well and Lisa and I still enjoy the time in the car with them and one another.

The resort had two great pools with slides for the big kids; Lisa, Sam, TJ, and me and a great water play area for Grant. Since we deliberately decided not to go into any parks (Disney, Universal, or Sea World) making the most out of the resort was key. In true Disney form, we were able to have a great time with what we were provided. The pools took up most of our time, Samantha, TJ and I went to the outdoor movie by the pool, and we all walked through Downtown Disney to get dessert at the ever crowded Ghirardelli Chocolate Shop. In fact, Lisa and I got a nice morning run through Downtown Disney and Grant even got in his first slide ever and it was a water slide! I am thankful that we have our timeshare with Disney and the memories it brings.

We came across the Christmas decoration where Samantha had her picture taken in 2005. It's hard to believe that the little kid from six years ago is this grown, young woman now. She is TJ favorite and vice-verse. Whatever bond those two have in their later years will be much stronger than between Sam and Grant. By the time Grant is TJ's age his big sister will be in college and really turn into a mystery and an enigma who only visits once a year or so. I am glad the boys have one another but I am even more thankful that Sam has TJ.

TJ got to visit Once Upon A Toy with just his dad as a reward for having dry pull-ups over night for five nights. This is a big milestone for a child and he deserved something special for working on his "star chart". He knew just what he wanted and didn't waste too much time locating the Star Wars toys. I see a lot of a young me in TJ; he's happy, funny, aloof at times, a bit of charmer, and 100% kid. I am so thankful that he is turning into a good boy and great big brother.

That was the end of Orlando and we drove out to Homosassa for the rest of the week with Betty.

Betty is in the process of moving out of her big house and into something more manageable - most likely here in North Carolina. Lisa and I had our list of chores waiting for us once we unloaded the kids on grandma. I really don't mind, and actually enjoy being a useful son-in-law, now that my parents have passed. I thought I might have to take of my mom in her old age but she never got there. Helping Betty is a close second.

We spent Thanksgiving dinner at Lisa's cousin's house in Clearwater, Florida. The last I saw many of these people was in 2005 at Christmas time. Although we are not all particularly close to any of them, we had a really nice time, too much wine, and plenty of food. Grant entertained everyone with his new clapping trick and big grin. The magic that boy's smile is how his whole face manages to smile. His mouth opens, his eyes twinkle and squint, and his nose scrunches up. It is wonderfully infectious and makes everyone around him happy because Grant will smile at everyone and anyone.

We had some "lasts" on this trip. The last time we would see manatee from grandma's dock, the last time as a family at grandma's big house, the last time we'd go to the Homosassa Springs Wildlife Park, and probably the last time we'd see some of the family gathered around the dinner table. Yet, you have to rejoice in all that you have and this year was no different.

There was a lot to be thankful for this year. In fact - Grant is one year old now! A blog entry in it own right after his party on Saturday.

The Gold Star Mother and My Dirty Little Secret

2011-11-11T20:33:00.001-05:00

Veteran's Day on 11/11/11. Ninety-seven years ago at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month the guns fell silent and World War I was over. The war to end all wars.

Last night I was out with some of my church buddies when a woman came up to us and wished us a happy Veteran's Day. She assumed that the septuagenarian in our group had served (and she was right) and must have guessed by the haircut that I was in the military. She couldn't have been any more than five to seven years older than me. She was wearing one ID tag, more commonly known as a dog tag; a rounded rectangle imprinted with your name, social security number, blood type, and religious preference. It is standard issue for anyone in the military.

I asked her if she had someone in uniform and she said said, "Yes." I thanked her for her service just as I tell people who thank me to thank my wife instead because the families carry the greatest burden of all when soldiers go off to war. In reply she said, "I am a Gold Star Mother." And there it was on her lapel, the noticeable crest of the Gold Star Mothers. My stomach fell.

Gold Star Mothers area a very unique and very exclusive group of remarkable women. The price of admission is more than any of them can bear because Gold Star Mothers have lost a child in war, and in some cases, more than one. When we talk about sacrifice and service to the nation, these women are our touchstone.

I was both honored and intimidated to be standing with this unassuming woman who told me in a calm and unfaltering voice that her son died last year in Afghanistan on his fifth tour; three in Iraq and two there. He was an EOD (Explosive Ordinance Disposal) technician and was killed by an IED near a school. She showed me his picture and went on about how many sons and daughters she has gained as a result of his death. She now visits wounded warriors and helps them transition from the horrors they have encountered. Her resiliency and dignity was remarkable but all I wanted to do was scream for her. Scream the agony that she has felt for almost a year.

I thanked her again - a futile and almost empty gesture on my part because there are no good words to address her loss. I drove home shaken by the encounter.

I am a Soldier as was my father and grandfathers before me. I have come to realize something as I watch programs from Iraq, or look at my pictures from two tours in Iraq; I love it. Not the country, the heat, the people - but being a Soldier and going into harm's way. If it were not for my family I would go back. Today.

There is no easy way to describe this feeling and only those that have been there can understand it but I have never felt more alive, more in-the-moment than when I am out walking on some Iraqi street or sitting in the open bay door of a Blackhawk flying 800 feet above the ground moving at 110 mph exposed to all of the risk that those moments pose. I even get that feeling in an airborne operation in the seconds before I exit the door of the aircraft. At times I wish I were a younger man and could do it over again.

What the hell is that about?! I wish I knew. My taste for an adrenaline rush does not exist here in my comfortable life and I am quite content with being boring (no BASE jumping, bungee cord jumping, or alligator wrestling for me). And yet, as I said, if not for Lisa and the kids, I would trade in the comfort of cable and beer and a big warm bed to be out there in full "battle rattle," head on a swivel, ready to meet and engage the enemy.

Maybe it is not just the danger but the feeling of being a part of something bigger than your paycheck and more valuable than your worldly possessions. Maybe its putting twenty years of training and experience into real world application and applying it in a place where making a mistake has immediate and long term ramifications. Maybe it is the challenge of the art and science of war as a profession.

I. Just. Don't. Know.

To all my brothers and sisters out there past and present - be safe, God bless, and thank you all.

Halloween 2011

2011-11-01T14:31:00.001-05:00

Halloween 2011 was a weekend long event this year filled with zombies, parties, and Grant's first Trick-or-Treat.

Zombies! Run!

The festivities began on Saturday morning when my neighbor, Tom, and I ran in the inaugural Fuquay Varina Strafe Zombie Run; a 5k through streets filled with the undead. Unlike normal 5ks this one was more of a game where runners were given flag-football flags and began the race. Along the way the zombies would ambush the runners and try to grab the flags. For every flag you lost it added seconds to your finish time. For every flag the zombies got they earned points. There were "health" flags along the way which took time off your finish.

The Running Dead

The hour before the race witnessed the worst weather of the year. It rained with temperatures in the forties; cold, wet, and miserable. In fact 15 minutes before the race it poured and the zombies began to wonder about hiding along the race course and getting soaked. (Very out of character for a zombie). Lo and behold, as about 70 of us "survivors" lined up for the start, the rain let up. However, the showers left behind huge puddles to avoid in addition to the undead.

The race began the first few zombies seemed to just come at us with that foot-drag-undead-shuffle that zombies are famous for. The running pack was still pretty bunched up when we turned the corner and were set upon by half a dozen zombies sprinting at the crowd! "Panic" hit the crowd. Survivors zigged while the undead zagged. Flags were ripped off and still the race continued.

Running a 5k is relatively easy no matter what shape you are in. You find your pace, go, and settle in for the course; six minutes, ten minutes, thirteen minutes per mile - eventually you will get across the finish line. When you add zombies trying to chase you down you then find yourself having to sprint. Often. When you least expect it. All the zombies have to do is stand there and wait for you to come at them - and then they chase you. It adds a dimension to your race that kicks your butt.

Well, I lost my flags - heck, I could have had ten flags and it wouldn't have made a difference - but I managed to finish third overall in about 22:10. I am looking forward to next year!

What Costume Party?


BBQ Stains and Mascara

Saturday evening we packed up the boys and dish full of sausage and peppers and headed to the Newton's for a costume party. Lisa and I waited to the last minute to come up with our costumes and, while in Wal-mart, decided to dress like Wal-mart shoppers or Jerry Springer guests. I bought a "wife beater" tank top and then proceeded to clean the car engine with it, ripped a hole in an old pair of jeans, and found a hat to complete my look. Lisa was sporting pink leopard print velour pants, a tank top with her bra straps showing, and a big set of hoop earrings. Naturally, she ends up looking great and I end up looking like a regular on "COPS".

I love dressing up and poo-poo the folks that don't play pretend just for one night. Really, get into the spirit and have some fun! For one night a year you can be funny, scary, sexy, creepy, or just plain wrong (i.e. the pregnant nun get-up).

Samantha reported in from New York that her Halloween consisted of going to bed early. I guess 14 year old lack the little kid joy of dressing up and walking around in the dark - too juvenile. At least she wasn't out egging the neighborhood.

Dragon and Dragon Tamer

Two years ago I made TJ's Halloween costume - the famous firetruck - and since then I have become the default costume maker for the holiday although I have no more creativity than Lisa does. Our original theme for this year was going to be "The Incredibles" because TJ looks just like Dash with his hair slicked back. Samantha would have been Violet and Grant Baby Jack-jack. Unfortunately, we couldn't find red spandex for all of us and the idea withered in the days leading up to the weekend. The question became, what to do for TJ's costume. TJ is a fan of "How To Tame Your Dragon" and I was inspired to cut a brown bath mat into a animal skin vest with a shield, axe, and Viking hat from the dollar store and things we had on hand. TJ has a warrior's spirit, so anything with a sword, axe, or gun is absolutely fine with him.

Not So Fierce Dragon

Grant's costume - well, every Viking needs a dragon to slay, or in this case, tame. Using our imagination and some things around the house we made Grant's dragon suit. With a little brown duct tape, aluminum foil, and a painted wings we had the perfect little dragon who was less fierce than he was friendly.

It rained on Halloween evening - in fact it poured with temperatures in the fifties - and we were about to give up on going around the neighborhood. In our family friendly little subdivision only two kids came to the door before 7pm. What a bust! Last year the streets were full of kids! Then our friends rang the bell! It was TJ's friend from down the road! It stopped raining! Lisa packed up the boys and headed out for a walk around our lake, hitting the houses along the way.

Halloween 2011

Somehow the word got out that Trick-or-Treat was on and soon the door bell was ringing all the time. While the rain kept a lot of people inside our house had it's fair share of cops, witches, and super heroes. And - our boy(s) managed to fill their bags!

For the last two years our Halloween decorations have been in storage in New York. We just haven't found the the room in a vehicle to get three big bins of plastic jack-o-lanterns, tomb stones, decorations and a fog machine down to North Carolina. Hopefully next year will be the year that the kids walk with trepidation towards our front door as creepy music echoes from the windows and mysterious shadowy figures lurk behind drawn blinds...

Happy Halloween to all you creepy creatures!

Kid Updates

2011-10-29T13:09:00.001-05:00

The end of October is upon us! Ghouls and goblins are getting ready to fill the neighborhood and our leaves are just starting to change here in the capitol area of North Carolina. The backyard is full of pine needles and the trees are turning yellow and red and orange. It's still not the same as Cortland, but since Cortland has snow right now and we do not, I am fine with this version of autumn.

Grant is happy go lucky as always. He's quick with a smile and a twinkle in the eye. He has quickly learned what a camera is and immediately knows what to do when it is pointed at him.

Sam had a tough day on Thursday. What started out as cramps turned into abdominal pain and possible appendicitis requiring a trip to Urgent Care and then the ER. Five hours and one ultrasound later the doctors ruled out a burst appendix and leaned heavily towards an ovarian cyst which is painful but otherwise benign in nature. Of course the look on her face tells a completely different story. She is better and off to compete in her last Crew Regatta of the season.

TJ is ready for Halloween. Inspired by "How to Tame Your Dragon" TJ is a version of Hiccup, sporting a shield, axe, Viking helmet and a bath mat turned into a animal skin vest. Creativity hit us at the last minute and thanks to some crafty work and visit to the Dollar Store we had success!

Next issue: The Halloween Story

Boy's Night In

2011-10-23T20:30:00.002-05:00

Lisa is out for the night which means I get "Daddy Duty." That consists of diapers, dinner, playtime, TV time, and bedtime. I can't complain about any of it because Lisa gets the lion's share in parenting when I am away for the Reserves.

When people ask what I'm going to do with the boys I always say the same thing, "We're gonna strip down to our underwear, set a bonfire in the living room, and sacrifice a small, stuffed animal," to which I am usually met with look of horror or humor.

I enjoy the daddy time and the ability to play with the two of them. Of course, it's hard right now because their age differences don't allow for a lot of group play. TJ is okay playing with cars or spaceships or planes and Grant is into everything that TJ just put down. The boys have never appeared selfish of their parents attention when they are focused on the other and so far the "That's Mine" mentality has not kicked in and we know enough to keep Grant away from his big brother's favorite toys.

However, this afternoon was about naps; TJ took a 2 1/2 hour nap and Grant went down for 30 minutes. Grant and I watched "Planet Earth" while I multitasked with the dishwasher and let TJ get some good rest.

To my credit, I don't take the easy route and go out to dinner - well, maybe once in a while. I cook dinner while the boys are occupied on the floor with toys. Thank goodness they are so easy going in general and with one another because it allows me the ability to get dinner on the table with the least amount of frustration possible. This evening was left over chicken breast with sauce added and mozzarella cheese. That and some penne and vegetables made for a nice dinner.

After dinner I thought we'd go to the computer and have some fun with the Photo Booth and almost peed myself laughing with some of these pictures. Big Brain Baby is my favorite.

Now the boys are in bed and I can straighten up before Lisa gets home. I like for her to come home to a clean and neat house because I want her to think I can handle both boys and the chores and make it look easy. There are dozen things I could do; although drinking Maker's Mark and writing in the journal seem to be at the top of the list right now.

I better go put the fire in the living room out.

Not My Kids!

2011-10-17T11:23:00.003-05:00

In recent news research is being brought to light that football and other high impact/severe contact sports are dangerous for kids, teens, and adults. Not dangerous as in, torn-ACL-no-more-football-for-the-season-dangerous, but dangerous as in, drooling-uncontrollably-for-the-rest-of-your-life-dangerous.

There is plenty of anecdotal evidence out there as well. A counter placed inside a junior league footballers helmet recorded over 900 hits in a single season. A college player suffered headaches so severe that he committed suicide and it was discovered at his autopsy that he had brain damage most likely suffered from his sport. Another piece of evidence of why my kids won't play football appeared in the news over the weekend. It happened on the football field one town over from where we used to live in Central New York. While most full contact sporting events do not end in tragedy there is enough evidence to convince me that there are enough other sporting events out there that will not possibly cause permanent brain damage.

A few years ago I learned a new acronym; MTBI, which stands for Mild Traumatic Brain Injury. MTBI was something that Soldiers were suffering from when hit in Iraq or Afghanistan with IEDs. MTBIs were in addition to any external or other internal injuries suffered and, in a generic sense, were concussions. MTBI is not matter being taken lightly by the medical community in the military as it is being recorded in Soldiers long term medical files.

And when I first heard those same letters used in reference to kids sports and I turned up the radio.

My kids won't play football or any other sports prone to concussive injuries. This shocks some other parents who see 10 month old Grant, a hulking ninety-seventh percentile, 25plus pound baby who is already wearing 18 month old clothes and comment on him being a great defensive back some day. I am not denying my children the ability to play sports so much as I am protecting their future. Honestly. Some coach, scouting talent, or recruiter could tell me how great my son would be "Scholarship!" "ACC football!" "The pros!" and I'd send the man packing because to me it just isn't worth it.

What makes me ill is that there are now companies that are producing helmets and other protective gear to "concussion proof" your kid. It's like hawking gold in economically depressed times or medical alert buttons to the elderly ("I've fallen and I can't get up!"); play on people fears and they will open their wallets.

Samantha rows on crew which is a physically demanding sport that leaves her aching after practices. I have no problem with any of that. Could she get creamed by an oar? I suppose but the chances are slim. The boys will need to stick with running, basketball, or maybe even wrestling if Grant turns out to be as big as the doctor predicts.

And while I use the first person singular "I" throughout this entry I know that Lisa feels the same way as I do. Thank goodness.

Tennis anyone?

Hello, October

2011-10-14T20:34:00.006-05:00

October is already half over with?! Where have we been!

The unbearably hot summer has given way to the cooler weather of the fall, which in North Carolina still means that you can wear shorts most of the day. The tiny tree in the front of our house is actually turning it's leaves to a nice shade of crimson. Autumn is not the same down here where we live as it is back in New York. Back in Cortland they are probably at the peak of fall foliage. Our recent trip to the pumpkin patch was a lot of fun but it lacked the bushels of apples and the smell of the crisp fall air that would be present in New York. Insert heavy sigh here.

The boys are certainly bigger. Wow, and how so. Grant now pulls himself up to a standing position on everything he can and the first steps can only be a month or so away. Unlike his older brother, this guy is into everything that you don't want him near; electric sockets, plants, cupboards. We never had to baby proof the house with TJ (although we did any way). With this one, however, everything will need to be secured. We did introduce a new word to Grant. The word is "No" spoken firmly, clearly, and loudly. When he hears it and sees that you are not playing with him he immediately juts out his bottom lip and his eyes well up with tears. At least he is learning. Grant is beautiful. He is full of smiles for family, friends, and strangers. Like his brother, he is one of those babies who people just have to come to and interact with. And we couldn't be happier about it.

TJ continues to be a wonderful and bright, caring boy. He is his mother's child, imprinted with many of Lisa's "isms"; food can't touch on the plate, lumpy foods are yucky, and the other quirks that make Lisa - Lisa. He and I still find out time to play sword fights, watch Star Wars Clone Wars, or practice soccer in the back yard. With kindergarten only a year way it is amazing to see how much he has grown since arriving in North Carolina. TJ is a great big brother who hasn't developed and jealousy or territoriality over things. Yet. He likes to make Grant laugh and takes time to play with him in a physical kind of way; a lighter version of the rough housing we do.

Of course the family isn't always complete. Sam is a freshman in high school, although from the sounds of it she has fit right in right away. Crew is still her focus when not in school. As long as she loves it and her grades stay solid I hope she sticks with it. She is fourteen and fickle. This time next week it might be drama club. No matter, I still look forward to seeing and meeting the person she turns in to.

Time marches on and life is still good.

A Quick Thank You Note

2011-09-22T14:15:00.013-05:00

I am sending this note to my two boys, Grant and TJ, who went to Orlando and Disney's Hollywood Studios over the weekend.

Boys, thank you. Thank you for being so easy going and carefree during the trip. Thank you for going with the flow on a hot day in the park with your mom and grandmother and I. Thank you for not screaming for treats, or toys, or to wait on line for rides that were too long. Thank you for enjoying the time we did have to go to the pool, sit on the beach and watch a movie, go looking for hidden Mickey's and for thinking those things were cool to do.

When I see other kids acting the polar opposite of your behavior I feel bad for the parents who spent a fortune going to Orlando, the kids who had too much sugar and not enough sleep, and everyone within ear shot who has to endure their crying and tantruming (kids and parents). Vacations are supposed to be fun and make fun memories instead of making everyone miserable and looking forward to going home. You both made the trip very enjoyable and we weren't looking forward to going home yet at all.

Grant, thank you for being all smiles and hanging out in your stroller for most of the day. We all know you wanted to impress us with your crawling skills! That you didn't freak out when a six foot tall Piglet approached and kissed you on the cheek was appreciated. You went to bed for grandma so that your big brother could go back into the park with mommy and daddy - that was very nice of you.

TJ, I especially want to thank you for going on the Hollywood Tower of Terror thinking it was only a roller coaster that went straight up and down. That, and for not crying until after the ride was over. Your face, frozen in terror, was priceless. Mommy and daddy won't trick you like that again no matter how much we laugh. Maybe. You were awesome on the Star Tours ride even if you didn't get to fight Darth Vader in person.

You are both really great kids to take places.

Summertime Pictures

2011-08-09T20:50:00.000-05:00

Happy 4th of July!

Pool Time

Atlantic Beach

Cutie Patootie

The summer is almost over and there are many stories to tell! Grant and TJ have both grown so much and Samantha is 14 already! Until we have some time to unwind from family visits, and Camp, and the summer mayhem - here are some pictures from the last three months.

Enjoy!

All the Children Together

Learning to Ride

Teenagers! Aaughh!!

2011-07-27T14:39:00.005-05:00

Scientists tell us that the brain of an adolescent child is actually being "rewired" though the difficult and awkward years of puberty.

I need to remind myself of that when dealing with Samantha. I mean on the surface, what an awesome kid; honor student, athlete, musician, good looking. However, half an inch under that skull - maybe its thicker than that - all hell is breaking loose.

For example; while Samantha is at Camp she spends a lot of time on the water sailing. In order to get to the water she needs to wade into the Neuse River. Now, last year she cut the bottom of her foot because she did not wear river shoes, so this year we offered to get her a pair of crocs. She confidently declined stating that she would wear her Sperrys. Except she didn't. Guess what happened last week? She cut her foot in the river. Why? She didn't learn her lesson from last year. Guess what she did the very next day - the VERY NEXT DAY?! She cut her other foot in the river. Teenagers!

That's a less-than-complicated example. The more complicated example has to do with telling whoppers of lies for the edification of others. Did you know that my daughter has told her FaceBook friends that she jumps outs out of airplanes with me and my paratroopers?! And it turns out that she is putting together a jump for all of her friends to come to Ft. Bragg and jump with me too! Ugh, teenagers!

I am not going to try to rewind my tape thirty years and try to remember what I was like at 14. I am sure that I was goofy too. More so, probably. The frustrating part about - well, okay, there are several frustrating parts - is that Samantha is very cool without the fabrication. She sails, she shoots, she goes on trips, she has opportunities and two successful parents, and she is loved by everyone; so why invent more than that? The other frustrating piece is that I don't know if she will listen to good, solid parental advice. We see so much looking back over our life's experiences that we implore our children to do the right thing and avoid the mistakes we made.

However, live is experiential and has to be lived as opposed to taught and learned. And if that means getting your feet cut a couple of times, well, that's what it might take. Ugh, teenagers - love 'em.

When Your Kid is Cooler Than You Part II

2011-07-20T18:47:00.011-05:00

TJ is four years old and has grown both physically and in his confidence over this summer. Watching him leaves me in awe because he is doing things that I would never do or could never do at his age.

When the summer began TJ was most certainly a non-swimmer and wasn't willing to jump into water that was over his head even though his mom and dad were there and he was wearing a swim vest. We took some solace in the knowledge that we could get him lessons and he might learn something at camp. But still, in mid-May, when the pool opened, it seemed we were destined for the shallow end of the baby pool. Daring TJ to go down the blue slide was met with a loud and firm, "No WAY!"

That was two months ago.

It began when TJ wanted to jump into the deep end of our community pool - with his swim vest on, of course - after the six year old neighborhood girl did it. Within a week TJ was a run and jump master. A week or so after that, with no fanfare, TJ announced that he wanted to go down the slide. Up he went, down he slid. Over and over again. By the time Samantha came into town he showed no fear around the water. (Of course there was always at least one set of eyes on him at all times.)

As his confidence grew we began to put more challenges in front of him. We took off his swim vest and let him jump into water over his head and paddle a few stokes to us. He made cups with hands and learned to kick, kick, kick. With Camp now in full swing, it was possible that he would learn a few strokes before the end of the summer.

By early July, TJ was a water playing fool. When he was at Camp, the sitters would take him to the swim lake where he'd jump in, get lessons, go down the "otter slide" and watch dozens of other kids play, dive, and blob into the water. He especially watched Tucker, our friends son who learned to swim at two years old. Then he asked his mom if he cold jump off of the diving board; a three foot off the water diving board.

Then last week TJ did to things that absolutely amazed us. The first thing was while we were playing at the swim lake. TJ saw the boys jumping off of the blob platform, a twelve foot tall tower used to perform high dives and access the blob. I looked at him and immediately thought, "He's bluffing. There is no way he would jump off of that." I decided to call his bluff and we walked over to the stairs and he proceeded to climb up. Once on top he walked over to the edge, looked over, and told me to count down from three. We held hands, counted backwards while I was still thinking that he was going to pull back at the last second. And I would be wrong. He stepped into space and shook hands with gravity with no hesitation. We hit the water and bobbed back up. His eyes were wide. He wanted to do it again. And we did. When Sam joined in and jumped too, well that sealed it.

I stepped back and took the moment in; my child was doing something I wasn't brave enough to do at four years old. I know I'd brag about this to family and friends - and I did. TJ was so amazing at that moment.

The second thing he did was pass his beginner swim test; a 100 foot swim in water over his head, unaided by a swim vest. We thought it was a nice gesture on the part of the swim lake staff but we were convinced that he couldn't do it. And we would be wrong for the second time of the day. TJ paddled and kicked and kept going and going. Lisa and I looked at each other with the same look; "We under estimated him." I didn't learn to swim until I was maybe eight or nine years old so to see TJ do this left his mom in tears of pride and his dad with a puffed up chest.

When you watch your kids grow up in front of you and achieve more than you did at their age; that's cool.

How About Some Pictures?!

2011-05-16T20:23:00.010-05:00

On Easter Sunday 2011 we went out strawberry picking with Grandma and Uncle Bobby to the Porter Farms strawberry field. For $8 you get a bucket o' berries! Yummy, yum.

Samantha and TJ all dressed up for dad's birthday dinner at Bellini's - our favorite make-a-big-deal/not-a-chain restaurant. These two make an awesome pair of siblings. He adores her and she loves him to pieces.

Lisa, Sam, and Grant pose for a picture! Look who's a happy baby! Look who's a happy mommy! Looks who's a happy big sis! With 13 years between Sam and Grant, when Grant is Sam's age now, Sam will be finishing her Master's degree.

Grant's first solid food on Easter Sunday 2011. He definitely liked the idea since he always followed mommy's fork from her plate to her mouth. Grant might be a messy eater - but he was ready! While mom got to feed him first, dad gets to feed him often.

This picture is funny. It would be funnier if Grant were crying and TJ was looking for relief! Or maybe the look means, "Whoa, this baby is h-e-a-v-y." TJ is a great big brother and "protector" of his baby brother. When we all get home from work/school TJ asks, "And how was Grant's day?" Precious.

I'm all suited up with my parachute at Green Ramp, Pope Airfield, Fort Bragg, NC for a jump out at Normandy Drop Zone. Lisa and the boys got to come down and see me get my gear on and the drove out to see the plane go over head as I completed my ninth jump.

Mark This Day

2011-05-02T13:35:00.005-05:00

My sons,

Since before you have been born this country has been ever vigilant against terrorism since the attacks on this country in 2001.

You father has been a part of this "Global War on Terror" for over nine years, rising through the ranks and going farther in the Army Reserves than I ever thought I would. Soldiers never ask for a fight, but will embrace it once it comes to us. I deployed and spent time away from you, your sister, and your mom because I needed to be a Soldier as well as a father and husband. Perhaps one day you will understand what I mean.

Today we learned that the man and mastermind behind the attacks of September 11, and many other attacks that killed many innocent people is dead. He died violently at the hands of our military and the world will not mourn his passing.

Across America we are breathing a sign of relief after nine years of fear, frustration, and anxiety and we are celebrating like at end of the Second World War. I wish I could tell you that with Osama Bin Laden's death that terrorism and terrorist acts died with him but that is foolish. Unfortunately, unlike the end of the Second War War, killing the leader does not promise the end of the conflict. I hope for a world where you can grow up not having to know this fear and anxiety or have to follow in my footsteps. My worry is that we will always be on that watchtower and that one day my turn will come to an end and yours will begin.

God bless America and God bless our men and women in uniform. I am very proud to be one of them as well as your dad.

When Your Kid is Cooler Than You

2011-04-22T11:03:00.014-05:00

Samantha was here for spring break and Easter!

Last Tuesday morning I dragged her out of bed and took her to work with me to watch the Golden Knights conduct a tandem jump with some of our VIPs. A tandem jump is what I did back in November; I was attached to a parachutist and we exited the plane at two miles up and free fell for about forty-five seconds until he opened the chute. It was a chance to get Sam out of the house (and away from the XboX), bond, and let her see something really neat.

Of course Sam wanted to jump with them. No.

Of course Sam then wanted to go up in the plane and watch them exit. Again, No.

Of course I was then confronted by a 13 year old who had "nothing to do" but watch a plane wAAAy up there and a bunch of parachutes open. Thirteen year olds get bored quick.

Then we stood out be the landing area for the jumpers where one Golden Knight kept jumping out of the plane without a tandem "passenger". She kept landing on a mat with a small plate sized sensor in the in middle of it. This Golden Knight was SFC Elisa Tennyson, the world's four time and current freefall parachute champion. We began to small talk about lots of little things; life in North Carolina, her son, Camp Seafarer, ROTC, until I asked if Sam could get a picture with her; its not often you get a photo with a world champion anything. I walked off as I recognized the opportunity for Samantha to spend some time with this friendly woman who had put significant time and effort into something and as a result was exceptionally good at it, good to the point of the being the best in the world. As Samantha sets her sights for college and adulthood, I think the more chances for her to see and meet successful women, the better. They chatted while the Sergeant First Class packed her own parachute. Then off SFC Tennyson went to jump again.

Then, after her jump (again on the marker), the world champion invited Samantha to come over and said, "Sam, do you want to learn how to pack my parachute?" I stood off to the side and watched as Sam immediately and fearlessly went over and began to untangle the chute, and with guidance and demonstration, packed the parachute back into its rig for another use.

I watched and took pictures dumb founded. Not only was this woman - a professional who clearly knew what she was doing - enabling my daughter to do something that her life would shortly depend on, but that Sam embraced the task without hesitation.

I could never imagine myself doing anything like that at 13 years old. I didn't have the courage. I remember that I was once offered to ride in the front of a diesel locomotive headed from Monroe, NY to Middletown, NY and I told my dad, "No." Too shy and no confidence.

We stuck around the airfield until SFC Tennyson completed her jump with the chute Sam had packed. I kept telling Sam how cool she was - that's what parents do; but she just shrugged it off - that's what teenagers do

Watching Samantha made me wonder what she will be able to achieve as an adult with the confidence and attitude as a teenager that took me decades to find as a grown up.

And that is cool.

Makes Me Laugh Every Time I See It

2011-04-20T15:18:00.001-05:00

Oh dear. T.J.s new kick is having "dance party USA" events in his room. He particulary loves two songs right now: Baby by Justin Beiber and Make a Man Out of You from Mulan. Here he is dancing and showing off his warrior skills. Notice the books on which he is standing. . . that is his "stage". And of course he gets a little distracted once the "stage" comes apart. It makes me laugh every time I see it.

Where Does the Time Go?

2011-04-10T18:58:00.009-05:00

How can it be four years? How could such a simple operation end so horribly, horribly wrong? How can there be two grandsons who will never know a Christmas with you? You have no idea how much you are missed...

There is a whole new chapter in my life that you'd be so proud of. The boys are wonderful, they would be a source of endless joy for you, and I'm sure there would be the inevitable comparisons between them and Andy and I. Samantha is a young woman now - no, you wouldn't recognize her. She is amazing and is going on to do great things. Life is good, despite your absence four years on.

There is a book in the house, The Cat in the Hat, that we read to TJ. On the inside cover is your hand writing "dedicating" the book to Alyssa, Samantha, and Luc. Someday I'll explain to the boys why you didn't get to include their names and live this day over once again.

Grant "Moose" Brown

2011-04-09T15:06:00.000-05:00

Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

I am learning how to use Animoto on the computer and I thought a fun place to start would be with our pictures from Grant's photo shoot at 9 weeks old. The pictures are so precious. But of course now at 19 weeks he is double the size and double the cuteness.

We had a doctor's appointment yesterday and he is weighing in at 17 lbs and 6 oz. Translate that into being in the 90th percentile of all other babies his age. YIKES! The doctor joked that our child was a "moose". Hmmm, is this the nickname we have been searching for? I am amazed that he has gotten so big int he past two months, just on breast milk and the twice-a-day-bottle-of-formula because mama can't quite keep up. How on earth does that happen? T.J. was so much smaller in comparison and I always worried that my milk was not "right" for him. I now know better.

Enjoy the video. Stay tuned for more in the future.

I am Yours

2011-04-03T18:47:00.001-05:00

We had quite the exciting morning today. Not only did we become members of the Fuquay Varina United Methodist Church, but Grant was baptized at the same service. It was a nice occasion and Grant was so amazingly cooperative. I have to hand it to that boy. He is such a good baby. He makes his mamma proud. T.J. was an awesome big brother too. He stood up there and listened and watched without a peep.

I will admit that I did have visions of Grant doing one of his infamous spit ups just as Pastor Al holds him up for the congregation to see. . . . but thankfully, that did not happen. And there he was, dressed in the same blue outfit that T.J. wore in December of 2007.

As a part of the baptism, at the pastor's urging, we brought in some of our own special water to mix into the baptismal font. Our special water was from the Neuse river. . . straight from the shores of Camp Sea Gull and Camp Seafarer. . .a place that is so special to me and is starting to develop its own special meaning for our enitre family. These Camps really had a huge role in my spiritual formation growing up and I could not think of a better source of water to christen Grant. My hope is that these waters will have a transformational effect on my children as it has had on me. My hope is that my children will find God and the joy of Christian living as I have. . . and that Camp is a part of that discovery. Grant had his first taste of the Neuse river today. I hope he liked it.

The baptism also took on another dimension when trying to explain it to our three year old. I did my best to tell T.J. that today was the day that God came to live in Grant's heart, just like He did three years ago to a boy named Thomas Jacob Brown. Our associate pastor did a better job than I when she explained to T.J. that today symbolizes how much love Jesus has for his baby brother. And because Grant is sooo little, it is his older brother's responsibility to pay attention to what happens today and share stories with Grant about this day when he gets older. I think T.J. took this seriously. But as any three year old is, he was super excited when the baptism was done and he could go to his sunday school classroom to play with his friends, he even did his dance for joy in the sanctuary for everyone to see.

Grant stayed on my lap, and as a perfect baby does, he fell asleep in my arms for the rest of the Sunday service. Having him there in my arms looking so peaceful gave me an opportunity to reflect on the meaning of today. God gave us a beautiful son. And today, we offered that son back to God. Even more powerful for me was the song that was sung during the offeratory. It is a song I listened to countless time when I was grieving the loss of Rebecca-- our unborn daughter. And today it gave me more reason to pause to remind myself how blessed we are with the gift of Grant and how he belongs to God. It goes:

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.

May Rich and I do our best to raise Grant knowing that he is God's and he can always find strength, peace, and identity in Him. I am truly humbled with all that God has entrusted to me.

Brother's Keeper

2011-03-23T20:02:00.003-05:00

We have a member of the family who is mentally ill. Without getting into details its enough to sum it up by saying during his most severe moments of paranoid delusion and persecution, he believes that key people in the US government - people like the Attorney General - are trying to force him to marry Jennifer Lopez, or Brittney Spears. While that would be a funny plot line to a bad 80's teen flick, it is reality for him.

Lately, he has been on a path a little bit different from his "cycle"; that being one of being forcibly committed, getting on medication, stabilizing, finding work in places like Alaska, Arizona, or Texas, working at a seasonal job, falling off his meds, returning home, and getting committed again. This cycle is usually a year long and we have been dealing with this as a family for six years.

However, his path has been different for the past few months. He's on meds and staying home for the season. Then out of the blue he decided to take us up on an open offer to visit. And just like that he was in our home.

It's strange talking with someone you know has a mind wired different than most typical brains. Conversations start with something like, "So, did you have a good drive up?" "Yes," and that's the end of the conversation. Of course when he says something like, "When I turn fifty the government is going to give me $50,000,000," its hard to pick up and follow that. You have to temper frustrations with the constant reminder that he is operating in a different "normal" than most of us.

This is the most time we've ever spent with a person with mental illness in such close proximity. I guess I was surprised at how normal he is. He's clean shaven and showers once a day. He manages his affairs, and drives, and emails, and lifts the seat, and closes doors after himself. He plays video games (badly). He has a peculiar sense of humor that amuses him at least. And you begin to think, maybe he isn't ill; maybe he's faking it. Then you look at his web browser history and it is loaded with listings for mansions and yachts that he expect to buy one day with the money that will come in one day, and realize, oh, yeah, right.

One day, for certain, he will be our responsibility. A responsibility to be shared by the other members of the family. We will manage his money, his care, and living arrangements. We asked him what expectations were and he laid them out to us. It may have been the first time anyone seriously asked his opinion about something truly important. There was no payday, or mansion, or boat. Just a place to live and a reliable car to get him around.

Wow.

To Alaska, or Arizona, or Texas; oh, yeah, right.

Gee, Man

2011-03-15T17:47:00.003-05:00

Each of my children have been beautiful babies. Samantha was cute. TJ was adorable. And now Grant Robert takes a good picture too.

Lisa and I are about to consolidate our favorite family photos to arrange them on the wall of the staircase. This will be my birthday present. Samantha in the inner tube on Cayuga Lake. Lisa and I on our wedding day. TJ in denim on his denim chair. Me two miles up and free falling with the Golden Knights. Lisa sailing.

Our house is slowly becoming a home.

Frenzied

2011-03-15T12:24:00.000-05:00

So, I have been back to work for a little over two weeks, and I can honestly say that the hardest part about coming back is getting out the door in the morning. There is so much to do in the morning as a mother of two, and as a wife, it is a miracle I am able to get ready as a professional too. The best word I have to describe the mornings is "FRENZY".

I do not like this feeling. As a matter of fact, I hate it, especially when there is a time crunch and I feel late for something. As much as I try to prepare the night before or try to get up early to take care of my needs before the needs of others take priority, there is still only so much time in the morning in which we have to get it all done and head out the door. And truthfully, it exhausts me.

Just yesterday as we were frantically leaving the house, T.J. said to me, "Mom, you angry?"

"No, honey, just frustrated."

"Why you frustrated? T.J. questioned.

"There are a lot of moving parts this morning and we are late. I do not like to be late and I feel a little frenzied. I just have to get you and Grant to your schools on time and I am hoping we can do that."

T.J. seemed content with that answer for the time being.

As we got closer to his child care center, he said to me, "Look, Mom, we are getting closer to school. You happy now?"

I smiled. What a sweet child to ask if I was feeling better now that we were on the road and getting closer to our goal.

"Yes, T.J. I am feeling better now. Thank you for asking," I said as I breathed a sigh of relief.

But I do not want every day to be like this. Rich and I are trying to work out a routine of our own in the morning, I just need to figure out the areas in which he can aid and assist. He already helps T.J. with his morning routine of breakfast and cartoons, but of course he has to get ready to get out the door too.

I know it will get better in time. . . or perhaps I will just get more comfortable with this frenzied feeling. We will see.

Family Heirlooms

2011-03-14T21:22:00.002-05:00

What do you leave behind for your children that really matters? What physical piece of property that you once owned will mean something to the children and grandchildren you leave behind? What makes a family heirloom?

I own a couple of family heirlooms that mean a lot to me. The first is a cigar humidor that was given to my father's father upon his retirement from the New York State Police. There is a small engraved metal plate on it with his name and an accolade for years of service. It sits on my dresser and is filled with my heirlooms; ticket stubs from movies, hockey games, museums, etc. from my trips with Lisa, Samantha, and the boys.

The second is my bookcase; this seven foot tall glass and wood piece of "art" that has been passed through three generations and was made by hand, or so the family legend goes. In it are some of our favorite books and keepsakes.

I look around and wonder what the kids and - one day - grand kids will cherish and want. My green BDU uniform, or the ones I wore in Iraq in 2004-2005, or the ones I wore in 2008-2009? Maybe the framed guidon from my Soldiers or the officers sword from my cadets? Or would it be something as simple as my Koran from my interpreter?

Lisa and I already have a few personal valuable things; our framed wedding invitation, our wedding rings, our beach sand collection from all of the beaches we have visited, certain pictures of the kids. They are priceless to us.

Last week Lisa and I used Shutterfly to make a new family heirloom that we are both proud of. We made a sixty page book of our trips to Disney parks and the cruise between the years of 2005 to 2010. We called it The Brown Family Disney Memory Book, Volume I. Instead of DVD and CDs of the trip we collaborated and created something together. Because we love Disney, we know there will be a Volume II and III. My hope is that thirty years from now I will get to pull out those books and sit down with the kids - and the kid's kids and tell the stories behind the photos as clearly as the picture on the paper, all with a hint of nostaglia.

Good night.

Happy Anniversary!

2011-03-09T21:48:00.002-05:00

It was seven years ago this very evening that Lisa and I went to dinner for the first time.

We went to Rulloff's on College Avenue. It was a another grey and cold day in Ithaca, NY - but there was enough sun for a weary sunset. We decided that we'd meet en route - on the corner of College Avenue and Ho Plaza. I was playing with my new gps device because I was getting ready to go to the National Training Center in Fort Irwin, CA for a deployment to Iraq later in the year.

Lisa was chatty. In fact, we talked a lot, left the restaurant and kept on talking as we walked. We walked back up Ho Plaza, around the McGraw clock tower, past the Johnson Art Museum, down and over the Fall Creek gorge, back up the street and back across the gorge until I left Lisa exactly where we met earlier in the evening. No walk to the car, no kiss good night. Nothing. I tried nothing.

The truth is that I had no idea that we were on a date. As in d-a-t-e. I just thought she was a really neat person and colleague and someone to have dinner with. Okay, that's not true either. Someone had told me that Lisa was "interested" in me although I had a hard time believing it.

That was seven years ago.

In that time I have been to Iraq twice for a total of eighteen months. Both my parents have passed. We have two beautiful boys. We lost a daughter. We had two significant career changes and two promotions. We moved from New York (me a life long resident) to North Carolina. We have taken four trips with the Walt Disney company. We count more blessings than we do misfortunes because when misfortune does strike we have one another to count on.

That's it. Time for snuggling and spoonin'.

Back on Track

2011-03-07T16:16:00.003-05:00

Okay, we know, we have not used our blog in MONTHS! And so much has happened in this time. So much that we want to record, want to remember, want to share. All I can say is I am sorry, and I will work to do a better job keeping a chronicle of our family life if not for right now, for the future so we can look back and smile at all that is good in our lives.

And life IS good. December 1st 2010 was the birth of our second son, Grant Robert Brown. His original due date was December 3rd. But because of my “advancing maternal age” the doctors suggested that we have this baby as close to our due date as possible. Since they do not perform any inductions on Friday (December 3rd) and Thursday’s calendar was already full, we opted for Wednesday, December 1st. How is that for the process by which Grant’s birthday was selected?

All things considered, labor went well. . . short and much easier than what I remember with T.J. I remember being able to “enjoy” the very first moments of Grant coming into this world—something that did not happen with T.J. because he was a week late and needed doctor attention and because I was living in a state of pain inside my head. Of course the story that Rich will always share of that day is how I tried to time my pushes so that Grant could be born at 1:21 pm on 12/1. What can I say. I like repeating numbers, and it gave me something to focus on during the last 40 minutes of delivery. I needed a goal, something to shoot for. And although the birth certificate says Grant was born at 1:22 pm. Rich and I know full well that his head was completely out by 1:21. My work was over.

Grant is now three months old and doing well. He is a chunky baby (much bigger than what his brother was at three months), prone to spit up, and already smiling and flirting with everyone he encounters. Bottom line: HE IS A JOY. I am amazed with how easy going he is. When he wants to sleep, he sleeps. When he wants to eat, he eats. And when he wants to poop. . . well, let’s just say he likes to save it all up for a real big mess when he is ready (sometimes waiting for up to 7 days).

T.J. is a fantastic big brother. To date, there have been no negative words about his brother nor issues with adjusting to life with a baby in the house. I am impressed that T.J. has responded so well. He does a great job mimicking how Daddy and Mommy interact with Grant and, at the end of the day, will always ask how was Grant’s day. Samantha has also been a great big sister. During the Christmas holiday, she was so helpful as she held Grant often and sat with him during the times when he would just cry out that newborn cry.

So now it is March and I am back at work. While I am super excited to return to my position with Camp, I am also a little sad that Grant and I will be spending less time together. I loved our days when I was just the two of us getting to know each other. He followed such a predictable pattern of “eat, play, sleep” that it was easy to plan my day accordingly and really take advantage of the time I knew he wanted to play.

So life IS good and we have much for which to be thankful. And, with the right amount of discipline on my part we will have plenty more stories to blog about in the months to come.

Happy Fourth of July

2010-07-13T19:58:00.009-05:00

We spent the Fourth of July going to Atlantic Beach, North Carolina. It was a perfect day of warm weather, sunny dispositions, and lots of surf and sand.

The night before we joined the Camp crowd for the "Third on the Fourth Fireworks" at camp. Over a thousand kids, counselors and adults all sitting on blankets in a big open field next to the river - it was electrical. This was TJ's first "real" fireworks where he comprehended the sounds and bright sparkling explosions. Of course, to him, it was a-w-e-s-o-m-e.

We got up for breakfast and hit the early ferry to the south side of the Neuse River. We drove through pine scrub forest until we hit Morehead, NC and made our way over the causeway to the beach. Parking, believe it or not, was easy to find and we unloaded to the dunes.

This was TJ's first "real" visit to the ocean - you know, the one where he realizes waves and surf. He chased the water out and it chased him back in. He screeched and laughed. We loved it and it was amazing to see the fun in his eyes of such a simple act as playing in the surf and sand. We did confirm that TJ is a sand castle buster, not a builder. I, unfortunately, am a sand castle builder. Having TJ "Godzilla" Brown around is dangerous.

Sam played the part of the protective big sister and reminded me once again that that sibling bond is very strong. Of course her main goal was to listen to her iPod and get a tan, but on the whole she wanted to be with us - very cool for a soon-to-be teenager.

Our trip included a visit to the "famous" Sanitary Fish Market, a staple of the Seafarer and Seagull crowd for years and years. The restaurant is one of those community places that grew out of a reputation for good food and through word of mouth and very clever marketing of tee-shirts. Fried anything (mostly fish) and a staple of southern food that I actually like, hush puppies! We ate way too much and spent way too much but it was worth it.

On the trip home I reflected how happy I was to be with my family on a day where everything was pleasant.

God bless America!

Before TJ Turns Three

2010-05-30T15:04:00.003-05:00

TJ's third birthday is just about a week away. But before we leave this age of 2, I need to make sure that I record a few things that have been wonderful about this year. I know parents say this a lot, but as TJ grows and develops I find myself saying, "this is the perfect age!" and then he gets a bit older, and I say it again, "no, THIS is the perfect age". So I guess in all of this I am saying that I am enjoying every stage of TJ's growth and find the joy, the humor, and the delight in it all. I do look forward to what Three brings us, but for now, here are a few things that make me love TJ at 2.5 years of age.

TJ is about 90% potty trained-- and it was really much easier than I expected. TJs teachers at child care said, "TJ is just one of those boys you just have to put in underwear and he will learn and adjust." So we did just that. . . and three days later, there were no more accidents at school and only a few at home. A week later and he was dry during nap time and bed time. Two weeks later and he is telling us when he has to go. Of course there have been some laughs along the way. For instance, when we first started saying "no" to diapers and "yes" to big boy pants, there was the occasion he found a spare diaper, ran, grabbed it and gave it a big loving hug! Apparently he was not quite ready to give them up!

We also used the m&m reward as a strategy for our potty training. He gets so tickled when he pees or poops or toots in the potty he rushes over to the bag of m&ms and says "whoo hoo, I pee potty! I m&m." And of course our favorite is when we are in public and TJ feels so free to announce his successes to his daddy quite loudly. Sigh. Oh well, what can we say. Our child is proud and we are proud that he is doing so well.

But my favorite potty training moment was when even mommy got rewarded. There I was sitting on the potty. TJ asked me what I was doing. I told him the obvious, "mamma is going potty." He got a big smile on his face and said, "mamma on the potty. Mamma gets an M&M!" and rushed off to our stash and brought me back my reward. Thanks, TJ.

TJ has also reached another milestone of sorts: he no longer sleeps in a crib. We removed the front "wall" of his crib a few months back. And while he is excellent at staying in his bed when it is time to go to bed, we have not yet been successful in teaching him to stay in his bed when he wakes up in the morning. His 2.5 year rationale is that the "sun is up" so everyone else, therefore must get up too. 5:45, 6:00. . . what have you, in runs TJ. "Wake up, mommy. Get out bed. Sun up!" Ugh! Those are early mornings for us. He has even been known to pull the covers off of me in effort to get me out of bed.

TJs language development has really improved over the past few months too. He is trying to say more words and have a conversation with his mom and dad. And of course, this is where things get really cute, because as we all know, kids say the darndest things.

TJ is now, for some reason calling dad "Rich". We are not yet at the point where "Lisa" replaces "mom", but my theory is that the "L" sound is still to hard to use on a regular basis.

TJ has also developed a love for anything Disney. Of course given all of our trips down there and our love for the place too, we shouldn't be too surprised. He is tickled pink with the "wicky witch" from Snow White and even the "wicky witch" from the musical "Wicked". He is also fascinated by the "sea witch" from The Little Mermaid. At school he knows all of the Peter Pan characters even though he has never seen a Peter Pan movie. He can recognize the "Disney" logo at the drop of a hat. And loves "circle" (circle of life) from the Lion King. He even tries to sing along.

And TJ has now entered into the "why" stage. "Why mommy, why?" he asks. As of now he seems content with my short answers, but I can imagine that will change over time too.

We are blessed to have such a good natured little boy who has two speeds: off and on. He is high energy, quick to laugh, and goes with the flow. I am excited to continue marveling at the little boy he continues to become as he turns a year older next week.

Found

2010-05-24T21:08:00.002-05:00

There are reasons why "guys" don't like to write about there feelings. It's not because they aren't good at it. It's because men are usually so closed off from those emotions that when they tap into them it A-L-L comes gushing out; and that's when it can sound silly.

Nonetheless.

I have spent most of the day in teary awe of the end of the show, LOST. Even if you don't know what the show is about you can appreciate the deep meaning behind an long arcing, existential show that in the end leaves us, the audience, to discover that our cast has died. However, not died in a mournful way. No, they roam life (such as it is) in purgatory until they find one another, and in finding one another remember their friends, their loved ones, their family. And once the group is reunited in a "place they built to find one another," they move on into a bright white light. Not mournful at all - beautiful.

I was (and still am) shaken to my core. Yes, this is death and this is heaven. When you die you are eventually reunited with the ones you love and shared life with. They wait for you and welcome you with open arms. Yes, of course.

My core is not shaken over the show, although it was emotional to see characters - once dead - back with their friends. (Although, yes, it was a head trippy television event that will not be repeated for years to come.) Those are emotions that I can get over or dismiss in the machismo of stoic behavior.

No, I broke down today in the thought that in the end I will be reunited Samantha, TJ, mom, and dad; that I will get to see old friends again and that I will remember them.

Lisa. I used to think that my death would be a lonely one. I used to think that whatever was on the other side wouldn't be able to offer my much more than my children and my parents until Lisa came into my life. Lisa saved my soul as much as she saved my existence on this earth. She gave me another chance at love and enabled me to find my honor and forgive myself of my sins. Only her love could do that. And I am forever indebted.

I think I have lost sight of how amazing that love is in the middle of new jobs, a move, building a house, career progression, the end of a tour in Iraq; and maybe I took it all for granted. That is until last night and the thought of ever losing her in this life only to find her again in the next one, or going ahead of her knowing how sad she'd be until we met again.

Just like that - crash - the emotional flood gate opened.

I love my wife. If you ever see her, you can tell I said so.

I was lost until she found me.

It's A Lot

2010-05-05T19:17:00.006-05:00

Look for a picture here soon!

It will be of an empty lot (number 199) with trees in the background, and if the angle is just right, a glimpse of the tiny pond that will complete our backyard. On this lot is where we are building our home. By late August there should be a house with grass, and shutters and people living in it; the Brown Family.

For the past few weeks we have looked at houses and decided to build instead of buy an existing home. The process of looking for a house with a partner who can be capricious at times is a bit annoying. Okay, its a lot annoying. I could have picked two or three houses from the fifteen we saw. Lisa, on the other hand, found one reason or another to question a final decision. I decided for my sanity and our marital bliss to take a step back until Lisa could narrow it down. Finally, she stopped in a new development that I drive by on my way to work everyday. She did the research, brought home a some plans, and put forward a good argument to build. Dollar for dollar, square foot by square foot it's about the same to build as it is to buy built.

But for now it's a lot - but not too much - I couldn't pass on the double meaning there. Its a lot to get your head wrapped around. It's a lot to think about all of the decisions that go into a building a house; color schemes, lighting fixtures, carpet choices, cabinet stain and drawer pulls. Where will the furniture go? What about window treatments? Considering the aforementioned capricious nature of my wife - this could take a while.

Building in a new community going in from the ground up also has its challenges. There are no homes on the right of left of us right now, but there will be. In fact, there will be construction on our street for the next twelve to eighteen months. And I mean, left, right, and across the street from us. I imagine that our place will look like a little oasis amidst all of the other places in various forms of being built.

This house will fit us well as we grow into it over the years. Its not too big as to get lost in the house and its not too small where everyone is on top of everyone else.

We'll keep you posted as things move along.

Vacation. Part 2 - Easter

2010-04-14T12:23:00.008-05:00

In this family vacations always begin with road trips; a van packed with luggage, strollers, cameras, DVDs, toys, and sleepy human beings. Our road trips always have three common elements: the Get-to-the-State-First game (only the people in the front can play), Waffle House, and one DVD played no less than three times.

The "State" game consist of reaching out onto the dash board as possible in order to get into the next state first. The game is rife with subterfuge and trickery such as spiking brakes to "lock-up" the other persons seat belt (Lisa, on more than one occasion), faking a crisis, or pretending to have already crossed the state line. I once convinced Lisa that she missed the state line during her cat nap so she paid no attention when we actually crossed.

Trips also consist of at least one stop at a Waffle House - waffles, eggs, coffee, hash browns, toast, and meat all in one meal. This used to be a treat when we drove down from New York because we've never seen a Waffle House north of the Mason Dixon line. It's still a treat to people watch at Waffle House. The staff is always cast the same; an overweight cook with a grease stained apron, an impossibly too old waitress who insists on calling everyone at the table, "Dear," "Hon," or "Sweetie," and a restaurant full of truckers, families, and local geezers.

We arrived in Homosassa, Florida on Good Friday to spend all of Saturday with Lisa's sister and her family. It was the first time we'd all been together in one place at one time since Christmas 2007. We had a traditional Easter dinner and egg hunt a day early as well as taking liberal use of the boat and kayak. TJ quickly got the hang of hunting for Easter eggs and would then re-hide what he had found, usually behind just one seat cushion, although I imagine that Betty will continue to find plastic eggs for sometime to come.

The highlight of the easter weekend, before driving to Orlando, was getting up at 6:00 am to watch the space shuttle launch. I had never seen a rocket launch before, so I offered to drive the family from the west coast of Florida to the east coast of Florida to see it. Naturally, when they found out the launch was at 6:20 am, Lisa and Sam both bailed on the idea. I, of course, was curious if I'd be able to see from over 200 miles away. I mean, what's there to see from that far away, right?

I found myself standing on my mother-in-laws dock at 6:00ish in the morning, not really knowing which way to look and not knowing exactly what to look for. After 15 minutes of feeling like I lost an hour of good sleep I was about to go in when I saw it. WOW. From the opposite coast it was as bright as a roman candle on top of a thick pillar of smoke. I ran inside an woke my slumbering wife who ran out in the dark with me. We were able to see the shuttle rise as the separation of the solid rocket boosters glowed a neon fluoresent blue in the pre-sunrise sky as it moved off into space. (This morning I learned that shuttle program is being phased out later this year and that I may never see something like that again.)

Next stop Orlando!

Vacation. Part I - Why Disney

2010-04-11T19:14:00.009-05:00

I can remember my first trip to Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom in February, 1976. (Coincidentally, Lisa made her first trip there in the same time frame; did we stand on line for Space Mountain together?) While I don't remember meeting Mickey Mouse or any other characters for that matter, I do have fleeting memories of walking in the middle of Main Street USA, seared impressions of terror on Space Mountain, being woken to the wonder of the Illuminations on the Lake, and the fun spookiness of the Haunted Mansion as two ghosts tried to hitchhike their way home with us. I also remember tickets, thus the term, "E-ticket ride."

It was the first and only vacation we ever took as a family.

Disney was sort of special to our family. In addition to that vacation, we'd all sit in front of the television on Sunday nights at seven o'clock to watch The Wonderful World of Disney on NBC. The Goofy cartoon shorts were always my favorite. However, whenever Walt Disney himself introduced something we all took notice. EPCOT anyone? I can't remember if the show was a half hour or longer, but I remember that in my pre-teen years we rarely missed a show.

And somewhere in all of that muddled growing up I learned to associate family to Disney.

I've been back to the Magic Kingdom four times (as well as the other parks) since 1976. Each time I look for something I've never noticed or done before. For example, after five trips, I still haven't been on the Astro-Orbiter or visited the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse. Sometimes its a rare character sighting - like Tweedledum and Tweedledee, with Lisa, or watching the sword in the stone ceremony, or the "snow fall" at the end of the electric parade in December, 2005.

Since 2001, its watching the magic through the eyes of my children; Samantha literally exploding with excitement upon seeing Cinderella's Castle when she was three, or watching TJ get his first "real kiss" from Snow White when he was 13 months.

I understand the Disney is a corporation whose board of directors are just as concerned about the return on their investment as they are about entertaining the world. And I don't care. For all of the money I have given Disney, I can report that they are consistently exceptional leaving no detail unnoticed.

When my mom died in 2007, she left us a little bit of money. Just enough to invest and put some aside for something special. I originally thought of taking several grand and blowing it on a top of the line stay at Walt Disney World. Mom was a huge Disney fan. She wouldn't have minded at all. Then Lisa and I spent an hour listening to the sales pitch for the Disney Vacation Club - Disney's version of timeshare property ownership - and it became crystal clear. We paid our money and again we were not disappointed.

Last week we took our first vacation to our vacation club as a family. We stayed at the Kidani Village in the Animal Kingdom Lodge. As my "seen-it-all-at-12 years-old, too-hard-to-impress" daughter turned to me and said, "This place is totally cool," I realized that I am starting a new generation of family memories. I am fortunate that I share this Disney affection with Lisa.

Yep, I get misty when I think about mom, her love for her kids and Disney and how she passed that tiny little thing on to me so that I can pass it on to Samantha and TJ. She would be so, so happy right now.

Why Disney? It's about family. It's about this family.

The Stories We Will Always Share Pt I

2010-03-27T15:55:00.003-05:00

There are some things that happen and will go down in family legacy. Things we will laugh about, things we will remember and tell stories about over and over and over. I think we have a few of those stories already with TJ, and it is fun that he takes part in telling those stories too.

Of course his version is, "T.J. what happened when you saw the shark?"

He replies, "AAAAAHHHH!"

"then what happened?" We cue.

"Whaaaaaa!" He responds.

Yes. That is the story of the day we were at Universal and went on the Jaws ride. What were we thinking taking a 2 year old on that ride before his nap time? As if he was not already overstimulated enough. But regardless, the family boarded the boat and set off for an enjoyable tour of Amity Island. We hear the music. The adults are at the edge of their seats knowing that the great white lurks. TJ hasn't a clue. And then, wouldn't you know it, Jaws pops out of the water right on our side of the boat, right next to TJ! There are teeth. There is blood. There are loud noises. Fire. Theatrics. Enough to get a 2 year old's heart racing in terror. And so he screams and clings to mommy. And then, yes, once the panic is over he starts to cry.
We tried to tell him how brave he was afterward. We tried to make light out of it by going up to a stuffed animal shark and saying, "Bad shark" as we bopped it on the head. But, I think we scarred our boy a little bit that day. And I know that because every time we drive over a body of water, he is sure to say, "Shark!"

Oh, swimming in the ocean for the first time this summer will not go well.

Welcome Home

2010-01-17T21:27:00.005-05:00

We are moved into our new home.

In the back of my head I hear James Taylor singing, "Carolina In My Mind." Of course that's quickly drown out by Billy Joel's, "New York State of Mind." You can the boy out of New York, but you won't take the New York out of the boy.

Our move went very well thanks to an amazing family who are friends to Lisa'a friend, but strangers to us. They showed two hours after the movers left and began to unpack us - kitchen first. By the end of our first weekend we were seventy-five percent unpacked. We were so far ahead of schedule that I was able to have my Army Reserve boss over for dinner that Sunday night when she flew into town.

The past ten days seem to have flown by. The weather has been the biggest contributor to the passage of time; it's only been cloudy one day and the temperatures have climbed as high as 65* here. In other words, we're not trapped inside to avoid single digit weather like we would back in New York.

I've spent some time driving around and the area reminds me of the northern part of Orange County out near Montgomery, or even Andy's in Wallkill. There are horse farms and rural areas that dominate the landscape here. And while the area is generally flat as compared to where I grew up or where we left, there is still a certain hominess to Willow Spring, NC. And, within twenty minutes I can be in the city of Raleigh.

I drove to Raleigh yesterday. Driving is going to be my undoing. North Carolina drivers, worse than New Jersey drivers, will be the bane of my existence here. As we explore the capitol I worry that my expletive vocabulary will increase.

Through all of this TJ has been a Rock Star. He very easily made the transition from one home to the other, he easily transitioned into day care with other kids, and he has been as sweet and carefree as he ever was. He misses Samantha, as we all do. I find myself paying extra attention to her room so that she'll be happy with it when she comes down. The house is still a little empty without her here. Of course getting the news that Samantha made the Honor Roll at her school was a big, big deal. We were pleasantly surprised because we just didn't think to push her towards a defined goal like getting on ther honor roll - she just did it.

We hung the last of the pictures that we wanted to hang today. Until we find a place to buy and call home for the next ten years (plus) we are as settled as we going to get. We're content. Sinatra is singing, "New York, New York" in the back ground.

Saying Good-Bye

2010-01-05T21:25:00.003-05:00

My house. Our home. With tears Lisa and I said good-bye to the house.

That little house was good to me for ten years. I have only live in my parents home longer. I never expected to stay there as long as I did. It was a fluke to rent it for as cheap as I did, and then a few years later, buy it for a steal.

Over the years the house began to fit like an old, worn sweatshirt; not the classiest piece of item but certainly something you felt comfortable in. In that house I got divorced and pulled my life back together. I watched Samantha go from two year old in potty training to a beautiful young woman. I brought Lisa to our first home together, and two years later, our son to his first home. Over the years we brought the house into the present by gutting the kitchen and starting from the studs out, redoing the bathroom, painting, and adding a ceiling fan here or a new light fixture there.

I know it's silly to think that house even cares. After all, it's just an inanimate object that demands time, resources, and work to keep up. But, still, I'll miss the creaking of the floors and the big red maple that sheds it's leaves late every year. I'll miss the low beams in the basement that always made walk with my head titled to one side. I'll miss the mural on Sam's wall and tinkering with some project around the house in my free time. I felt a relationship with that little old house. Does that make sense?

We're on the road to North Carolina. The snow is behind us, although for fun, I let the snow pile on the roof of the Rav4 to see how much I could bring down south. Leaving the house was the last paragraph in a chapter that I'm proud of and I'm looking forward to the next part of the story.

Let the Pictures Tell the Story

2010-01-03T14:56:00.004-05:00

Here are some highlights from the holiday!

After an ill fated trip to Greek Peak ski resort, we returned to Cortland to go ice skating. Lisa and Sam are actually holding each other up.

Christmas Eve, Samantha, TJ, mommy and I set out cookies and milk for Santa Claus!

Lisa and I take advantage of the fact that Sam is now old enough to babysit and went out to Hairy Tony's for a couple of drinks before the New Year!

I Love NY

2010-01-03T09:16:00.002-05:00

Welcome to 2010.

After 42 years of living in New York I am pulling up the tent poles and moving to North Carolina. Everything about the move is good; good for my wife, good for me, and good for our future. I have very few regrets about going there.

However... I am a New Yorker. I grew up in the Hudson Valley. I visited NYC enough times to know my way around without a map. I went to school in the SUNY system and had my first career as a New York State Trooper in the Leatherstocking region. I've been to places in between Long Island, Niagara Falls, and as far north as Malone, NY (where you can see the aurora borealis). I've been to Cooperstown, the highest falls this side of the Mississippi, and Ground Zero. I've seen four seasons for all of my life.

And now everything I own is in boxes. I (we) have purged our excess. We are down to eating off of paper plates. I truly feel on the verge of the next step/chapter in life.

I can't say that I'll ever feel the affinity for North Carolina that I do for New York. As my friend Christine said, "I'll always be a New Yorker." Even though she hasn't lived here in twenty years.

I will enjoy North Carolina. I know I will. As the snow piles up outside right now, and the temps are in the single digits, I know there is at least one thing I will NOT miss here.

Out with the Old, In with the New

2010-01-01T16:12:00.002-05:00

Let's just say that 2009 was a difficult year. I am not too sad to see it go. Rich was in Iraq for 3/4s of the year. Which left me home as the "single parent" for the majority of the year too. Life is not as fun with your partner and best friend so far away. 2009 was the year that we lost Rebecca and then two weeks after returning to work from that sad space and time, I learned that I was being laid off from my job. Really? It just seemed like all of the hardships kept piling up. And while all of this was not fun to go through, I know that hardships build character, strength, and resiliency. So, I think I have built up my bank account on these things for the next decade!

Of course 2009 was not without its joys. Rich came home! How wonderful it was to see TJ and Daddy reunited again. To hear TJ say every morning when he woke up "Daddy Home". To listen to the wild laughter of father and son play chase and hide-and-go-seek throughout the house. We had an excellent Disney Cruise Vacation, a fun Halloween party, and one last Christmas at our house on 37 Miller Street.

So today, we usher in 2010. And with that comes all the hopes and anticipations of making this a great year. . .one that will make up for all of the "hell" of this past year. 2o1o is full of new beginnings for the Brown Family. After seven months of being laid off, I can happily report that I am going back to work. . . and not only back to work. . .but back to work for a place that I always wanted to return: Camp Seafarer and Camp Sea Gull. My decision to go into alumni affairs and development work at Cornell, while in the short run got me laid off, in the long run led me to an opportunity to raise money for camp.

Of course working with the YMCA and with camp also means that we are moving to North Carolina. As I write this entry, boxes can be seen all over our house. The movers come on Monday. . .three days away. We are going to miss this house. It has been good to us.

So 2010 has much in store for us. Its a time to start a new chapter of our lives as individuals and as a family. We are both scared and excited. Hopeful and fearful. I know we can take on any challenge that comes our way. 2009 has taught me that.

A New Night Time Friend

2009-04-23T19:28:00.003-05:00

The other day I remember talking to another mom about how neither of our children had developed any attachments to a special blanket or stuffed animal yet in their almost two years of life. I really thought that TJ would. I even hoped it would be a special little blanket/rattle that had his name on it. It is so soft and cuddly.

So how funny that just this week, TJ has developed a special attachment. But it is not a blanket or a stuffed animal that he wants to cuddle with at night. No. Instead, TJ is rather attached to one particular book. And really, it is one particular page of one particular book. So attached that he puts up a fuss if he can't take it to bed with him. So the past few nights, my son has been going to bed with a big board book that is turned to a page that shows pictures of all things transportation (truck, car, plane, fire truck, ambulance, etc.).

And in the morning when he wakes up, he is so excited to see his book right next to him! Just take a look. . .

First Words

2009-04-21T19:23:00.003-05:00

TJ is making more of an effort to talk over this last month. You can tell that he is really trying to use his lips, tongue and mouth to shape the words. But they just don't come out all the way. Its adorable to watch.

At nine months we started using signs with TJ in hopes that he would be an early communicator. I have heard of great success stories with teaching babies how to talk with signs. And it has worked for our son too. He caught on to sign communication very well. "More" "Please" "Drink" "Diaper change" "eat" "draw" "down" and "airplane" are all popular ones. Then he started developing his own signs. For example he created, "Fish" for anything to do with water, swimming, fish, and the goldfish crackers. He also came up with a sign for his favorite TV show: Blues Clues.

Recently too, he has learned how to point to himself to indicate something that he has done, wants to do, or wants something. As a result he has started putting together multiple signs (point to TJ, then make a drink sign. . .for "I want something to drink". He also has shared with me his fascination with police officers by pointing to himself and then to a picture of a police officer in one of his books. What he is trying to say, I am not quite sure, but if he grows up to be a police officer, I will proudly tell him that he knew what he wanted to be when he grew up since he was 22 months old.

At 18 months TJ's first real word (other than mom and dad) was "juice" It was right when I stopped giving TJ a bottle of milk in the morning and replaced it with a sippy cup of juice. So in the mornings, one of the first things he says to me is "juice".

Since 18 months his vocabulary has increased-- but he still prefers communicating with signs. My guess is that he knows signs work. This new language thing mom is still having a hard time deciphering.

So as of today here are the words that he says off and on
juice
mamma
dadda
sis
truck. . . more like "ck"
car
grace (his cousin)
Coco (the dog next door)
Greg (Olga's neighbor)
no
uh-huh
ca-ca (jacket)
crayon

Then there is this whole other category of noises he makes instead of saying the actual word. Most of these are associated with animals.
Moo for cow (he says mmmmmmm)
For pig he actually snorts (and he loves it)
Sssss for snake
ba ba for sheep
roar for dinosaur
ahhhh ahhhh for monkey

The other sound he perfected over the last few days is the sound of a siren for any type of vehicle with lights on the top" police car, ambulance, fire truck, and even some tow trucks.

So TJ is well on his way to being a talker. He is taking his time, but he is certainly communicating all that is important to him.

Signs of Spring

2009-03-29T13:37:00.004-05:00

Look mom, no jacket! Look mom, flowers!

The snow is melted and now the early spring flowers are blooming. In fact, here is a picture of our first blooms on the side of our house. I was surprised to see them so early.

Happy, happy day.

TJ is wanting to spend more time outside now. . . and I don't blame him. He is able to run up and down the sidewalk and thow the ball around the yard. Spring is a good feeling.

The other day TJ and I took our dog, Poly, for a walk. That was a sight. Poly was pulling me on her leash with one hand and with the other hand, I was doing my best to direct TJ where to walk. I was a human tug-of-war rope. TJ seemed to love it however. Poly would have preferred to run free.

Winter Is Gone

2009-03-20T19:53:00.003-05:00

Hooray! Winter is gone. The first official day of Spring was this past week. . . and if you look in our front yard, we have proof. The snow is gone. The picture above documents our very last patch of snow. And with pinwheel in hand, TJ is ready to spend more time outside.

To me, the coming of spring represents new beginnings, life, the confirmation of God's promise. People shed their cold, winter attitudes. Have you ever noticed how friendly everyone is that first day of warm weather? There is excitement in the air. Relief. Anticipation for good things ahead. And I too am hopeful. I too am ready for new beginnings. I too am anticipating what lies ahead.

But before I say hello to the Spring, there were a couple of goodbyes that had to be done. One of which was to our little baby girl, Rebecca Lucy. As of my last post, I was on bed rest and waiting. Ten days later, she/God decided it was time to go. Rebecca's heart stopped beating in uetero. I am blessed that Rich was able to come home on emergency leave to be with me during such a difficult time. We could face this as husband and wife; father and mother.

We still do not have a lot of answers as to how and why this happened. But we have made peace with the fact that she was just not meant to be a part of our world. Instead she lives on in me, her mother, who carried her for 6 months. Rebecca-- even in uetero-- has had a profound effect on me. With her, I feel that I have become stronger, more patient, more trusting in God, and more in tune with the essence of motherhood. And even now, I am not able to shake the feeling that Rebecca's brief presence has now prepared the way for something else just as powerful in my life.

It's the sign of Spring. I feel it. I am waiting in anticipation.

100 Days

2009-01-27T12:41:00.002-05:00

My countdown clock reads 100 days until May 8th. 100 more days until our little baby girl's due date. 100 days until she is supposed to enter into this world and bless our hearts and our lives. We are almost at the double digits, almost at a significant mile marker. . .almost.

However now, those 100 days seem so long off. They seem so unknown and full of questions. Will she make it for 100 more days? A week ago, I would have said, "no. The doctors tell us no." But today, 7 days later, I am a bit more hopeful but still so unsure.

Last week I got the news that there were some "complications" with my pregnancy. After the ease of pregnancy with TJ, this news came as a surprise. But TJ was so easy, why are there complications this time around? Essentially, baby girl Brown was not the size she needed to be. In fact, she was measuring 4 weeks too small. More tests and sonograms determined that my placenta is not performing at its peak to deliver all the nutrients that the baby needs to thrive and grow and, the doctors said, at some point, my placenta will fail and stop working all together. Not a good sign for the future growth of baby girl Brown.

"Okay, then, what do we do?" I asked. The answer. WAIT. There is nothing that we can do. Not this early on. The baby measures to small to even be helped if she was delivered early. So we wait. We wait for her to grow. We wait for the placenta to fail. We wait for the placenta to heal itself. And a week of being on bed rest has taught me to be at peace with the wait. Nerve wracking, yes, but I have accepted the fact that I am not in control with all that is going on here. I need to allow this to be okay. There is something else going on here. What it is, I do not yet know. I have such a limited view. I need to allow this to be okay. To make peace with this sense of helplessness and powerlessness and trust God. . .trust God that everything is meant to be and will resolve itself in due time according to the way things are meant to be.

Every once in awhile I feel our baby girl kick-- a blessed assurance that she is still strong. For some reason, the baby continues on. Is she growing? I will know in 7 more days. So I wait. We have come so far. Yet the countdown clock reminds me just how farther still we have to go. In all of this I am reminded that each day is worthy to be celebrated and respected in this little baby's life.

A letter to TJ on Inauguration Day

2009-01-23T13:25:00.003-05:00

A letter written to my son on January 20, 2009. . .

TJ,
There are a few times in your life when people ask you "where were you when. . . " or "what do you remember about. . ." a particular milestone in your life or in our nation's history. I like hearing the stories from my mother and father about what they remember from their childhood, teen years, mid life, and beyond. Most interesting are those stories that are linked to history. I remember asking my mother and father where they were when we landed on the moon. So fascinating to get a glimpse into that part of history from a first person view. . . especially one from your parent.

For me, I can imagine that our future conversations will be full of stories of 9/11 and how the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan defined our family experience. How your father served. How we were separated for a time trying to cope as best we could. A challenging time to say the least.

But of particular importance today, January 20, 2009, is a day that, regardless of your politics, I will always want you to remember. Today was history in the making. The day that a dream came true, the day that millions of Americans and people around the world came to actualize that they can make a difference at the grassroots, and that they too can rise above limitations, doubts, and sometimes even history. Today, Barack Obama became president of the United States-- our first African-American president and a day of hope and promise for many.

We had the privilege of watching the inauguration ceremonies together. At 19 months old, you sat pretty still on my lap during the oath. It is as if you understood the gravity of the moment. But then, when the applause died and the speech was delivered, you went on to other important things of the day: your trucks! There is no stopping you with those.

What struck me the most about the day was how many people attended the ceremony in DC. The fact that they all wanted to be a part of history. The fact that they wanted to be able to say that they were there. They may not have been able to see the new president raise his right hand. But they were there. . .at the mall in DC. They were there surrounded by 2 million other viewers like them who wanted to be there too. What struck me was that they brought their children to witness too. What struck me was the diversity of the audience-- for a moment, we went beyond race in this country. What struck me was that out of 2 million people on the mall, there was not a single arrest. What struck me was the overwhelming energy and hope that engulfed the nation-- regardless of who one voted for in the election.

It was a proud day. It was a proud moment. I am so thankful that we were able to share it together so that when people ask me where I was on that day, I can say, I was with my son-- and may he come to understand the significance of the moment and continue carrying the torch of freedom, equality, and love that was set ablaze all the brighter today. I know we have got far to go as a country, but what a glorious moment to pause and remark how far we have come.

Reflections on the Holidays

2009-01-10T14:02:00.005-05:00

So the holidays have come and gone with no post to commemorate the occasion. Oops! Guess you could say Lisa was clearly on vacation. TJ and I went down to my mother's in Florida and I have to say that the weather this year was the best I can ever remember in all of my Christmas' down there. We are talking mid to high 70s, sunny, and no humidity. Perfect for these upstate New Yorkers who already have had their share of snow.

It was wonderful to be surrounded by family this time of year. It was great to have help with TJ, to not have to worry about the day's menu, the cleaning, or other household chores. Of course I did my best to try to help out, but the pressure was not always on me like it has been with Rich away. My nieces did a bang up job playing with TJ and taking turns keeping an eye on him. He loved running around and playing with them. TJ takes to other kids rather well, and my nieces were no different.

TJ is still a little too young to comprehend the idea of Christmas, but when he saw the toy trucks under the tree on Christmas morning, he got so excited. He woke up a little fussy that morning (which is unlike him) and was very frustrated with the fact that he couldn't go downstairs like he has every other morning (the kids all wait upstairs until the adults are ready for the chaos to begin in my family). But as mentioned, he changed his tune instantly when we finally got downstairs.

Christmas morning we also tried to Skype with Rich. Skype has been a wonderful tool to keep in touch with Rich during his deployment. We can instant message and even use the video calling. For some reason, however the connections in Florida were not that great. We kept loosing service so our calls were rather short and unpredictable. We did get a small window of video feed that morning. . .so TJ was able to open up a present with Daddy right there. . .but there was not time to do much of anything else.

I certainly missed Rich's presence this holiday, and maybe the feelings of loneliness were accentuated by the lack of skype and the fact that there was little routine or distraction during the day to keep me focused on other things. There were a few moody days (sorry family), but we made due as best we could.

Other highlights of the holiday included taking TJ on his first kayak ride. He did great. He seems very interested in all the boats that go up and down the river. When we got in the boat, TJ was a bit reserved and kept close to his mommy (which is right where I needed him to be). TJ also got his first haircut. Again, sitting on mommy's lap with the stylist constantly touching his head/hair, he was reserved and well behaved. He never protested, but instead was cautiously curious as to what exactly was going on.

We went to the nearby wildlife park to look at all the animals. He is like his Daddy and decided he did not like being so close to the snakes. But he did like watching all the fish swim around and the birds stake out their territory.

TJ also made two trips to the beach. The first time, he was not too sure how he felt about walking on the sand. . . a bit unstable. But by the second visit, he was running around and feeling much more confident. And the same was true about the water at the beach. While there were no "waves" to speak of at this location, the water still "rolled in" slowly and the sand was soft enough to cause concern the first visit. At our second visit, he tackled the water the way he did the sand and by the end of our time at the beach he was running into the water up to his waist.

One day we went to the Aquarium in Tampa. TJ loved watching all of the fish. The aquarium also has a little "water park" attached to it for young kids. Think mini-fountains, plenty of things to climb over and on, and lots of misting water. He had a ball. I will particularly remember helping TJ learn to "climb" the cargo net tunnel of the pirate ship. At first, I saw it and said, "ugh, I don't want TJ to get involved in that. He is too young, and well, it just looks like too much trouble." And so I thought that was the end of it.

However, I noticed that TJ kept on running over to it to take a look. I noticed that he would not go venture on his own. He would run upto it, stop and just look. I was pleased that he showed restraint. I knew he was being safe and that I would not have to worry about his getting hurt. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized he was really, really curious and that he wanted to play but was usure how to go about doing it.

As I looked around the park at all the other kids, it dawned on me that this was my opportunity to shed the "protective mother" role and step in for "daring dad". . . you know, the dad who pushes their children to try new things, brush off the bruises and live a little? By not pushing him forward was I teaching him to be afraid? to be cautious? to not take risks? I want my son to be the kind of person who approaches new situations with a sense of wonder and fun, so wasn't it up to me to model the way?

I walked onto the tunnel. . . and yes, in a kid sized pirate ship, this adds an extra challenge for anyone over 5 feet tall. TJ was aprehensive at first, but I showed him that I was right there with him, that I'd hold his hand, and that we would do it together. And so he continued. He did not whine, show indications that he wanted to go back, or sit there and cry. Instead, we walked that tunnel together. And as we got to the other side, it was neat to watch him feel a sense of accomplishment. . . a victory over something he would not try alone. Lesson learned. . for both of us.

The Saturday Ritual

2008-12-17T20:28:00.003-05:00

Rituals are an important aspect of life. More than routine, rituals often offer a sense of comfort, familiarity, and mark important passages of time. Over the past few months while Rich has been gone, TJ and I have developed a special Saturday morning ritual: our weekly trip to Hyde's Diner.

How lucky are we that our house is literally 300 steps away from a good, mom and pop greasy-spoon diner? We love it. Its on the corner of our cross street and is built from a single wide trailer and an addition to accommodate the kitchen. It is truly Americana at its best. I am not a big coffee drinker, but Rich will even attest to the fact that the coffee is strong and diner quality "bad"-- whatever that means.

Our family would frequent this diner before Rich's deployment. We know the waitresses. We know the owner. We'd recognize the faces of other patrons. But now, with TJ in tow every Saturday, I can say that I feel like a "regular" and a new sense of community has developed as a result.

Our waitress is usually a young woman by the name of Jessica. She has two children herself, so we often compare notes and cute stories about our children over the week. Without asking, she knows to bring me a diet soda, a small cup of water for TJ, and to bring out the toast as soon as it is ready. TJ and I share our usual breakfast of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and sausage. I eat the pancakes, and believe it or not, TJ usually eats everything else. Man, this kid sure can wolf down his sausage links. He loves 'em.

The owner stops by our table gives TJ a high five and always remarks on how well behaved he is. Another waitress who has a nephew in Afghanistan makes sure to pop by and ask what the latest is from Rich. We both share our count down dates until our loved ones are home. We then shake our heads and both say, "not soon enough."

Every other week there is a "girls morning out" table of middle-aged women. Apparently they get together every so often on Saturdays to dish the latest dirt on their neighbors, share stories about their kids, and complain about their husbands. Cortland's own "Desperate Housewives". If I have the option, I will take an open table next to them just so that I can eeves drop! But more than just listen in, I am also starting to interact more with the other patrons as we start to see the same people week in and week out. They usually comment about TJ (he is an easy conversation starter) and we go from there.

TJ feels right at home at Hyde's. He gets oodles of attention, has great food, and has even ventured back to the kitchen to blow a kiss to the short order cook in appreciation. I think he is well on his way to being a diner regular in his adult life too.

I appreciate this sense of community while Rich is away. It is something I look forward to. It is nice to feel connected in my neighborhood-- even if the conversation is full of small talk. Coming every week helps me appreciate the small town nature of Cortland. And it has also been a way to mark the completion of yet another week on our own.

Thank you, Hyde's for sharing your Saturday mornings with TJ and I. We look forward to seeing you in a couple of days!

Travel, Thanksgiving, Weddings and Basketball

2008-12-04T21:01:00.002-05:00

TJ is a bi-coastal traveler. In the last 12 days he has boarded 6 different planes, rode on 5 different shuttles, slept in 5 different cribs, and explored various nooks and crannies of 4 different airports. And through it all TJ was a trooper. I could not have hoped for a better traveling companion.

This Thanksgiving TJ and I went to Nashville first to meet his Great Uncle Bob and Great Aunt Janet, hang out with Grandma and then travel to San Francisco to be a part of the Barnett-Raijmara wedding. Sure it was exhausting, but with TJ being such an extrovert, he loved meeting so many people and getting so much attention.

One of his favorite parts about Nashville was playing with all of the musical toys at the McKeown's house. You know those "press my foot or hand and I will move, dance, and sing" toys? Uncle Bob and Aunt Janet have over eight of them. TJ learned how to operate each one and to dance along. Of course he also liked hanging out with their pet bird, Valentine, who by the way has free reign to hop out of his cage and walk all over the dinner table during meal time. What a sight.

The long flights back and forth to California went very well. He did a good job of napping and reading books with mommy. I found it particular that he actually preferred to sit in his own seat than on mommy's lap (yes, I did get him is own seat so we could strap the car seat in-- good move). He LOVED looking out the window when we were still at the airport to look at the other planes and all the little cars and luggage trains driving around. He would get so excited. During stretch breaks when we would walk up and down the aisle of the plane he would blow kisses to everyone who smiled at him. And yes, he stole many hearts while flying. "Is he always that happy?" people would ask. I had the great opportunity to brag and say, "yes, and I feel very blessed."

I am so thankful that TJ got to spend a good deal of time with his Grandma. I think they really hit it off. It was fun to see TJ run up to Grandma and give her hugs around the legs. I really counted on my mom to help with the travel and play fill in parent when I was busy with wedding stuff. Thanks, mom. I appreciate all the help.

Thanksgiving involved a good nap, a good meal, and good company. Isn't that what the day is all about? We joined the Raijmara and Barnett clan had had our Thanksgiving dinner at a local restaurant. It was nice not to worry about the cooking with so many other things going on. TJ had some turkey, but turned his nose up to the mashed potatoes and the pumpkin pie (thats my boy!).

TJ also got to dress up and go to his first wedding. He was able to be there for the start of the ceremony and apparently wanted to run down the aisle after the bride. Grandma held him back. He was able to run around on the lawn with all the other kids during cocktail hour. He sat through the entire reception without a care. He even had his first official dance with his mommy. He was an excellent dance partner.

And to conclude our adventures, the first night we got home we were able to go to the Syracuse vs. Cornell basketball game in the Carrier Dome in Syracuse. We had third row seats. Man, I could see the sweat fall off of the players faces, we were that close. How excited was I to share my love of college hoops with my son in this way. He would clap when everyone around him clapped. He even ate the standard stadium hot dog. TJ's first basketball game was a good one.

How wonderful that I have such an easy going, good natured child. It makes adventures such as the one we just had much easier. He makes me laugh, smile, and count my blessings each and every day.

The little things

2008-11-16T20:53:00.003-05:00

TJ is now 17 months. Goodness time flies. He is at such a fun stage in his development. Fully mobile, communicates (still with signs and grunts only), and has such a curious and fun-loving disposition. He is a great little boy. When I get to spend the whole weekend with him, I am reminded of just how blessed we are to have such a good natured child. Don't get me wrong. . .he is 100% boy. But you can already tell he has a good spirit about him.

Here is a sampling of some of the little things he does that make me gush with pride, and smile at his little mind at work.

1) TJ is a good organizer and clean-upper of his toys. I think my clean-freakiness has rubbed off on him a bit, because TJ is great about cleaning up his toys. He also knows right where they go on the shelf. As a matter of fact once he put his little wood puzzle together the other day, he picked it right up and moved it to the shelf where we store it out of the way. I guess he was done playing the puzzle game.

2) Part of our morning ritual is a little cuddle, bottle, and juice time on mommy and daddy's bed. As he drinks his milk and mommy drinks her juice, we watch the Today Show. What cracks me up is that he now waves to all of those people that stand outside the Today Show studio with the signs and wave like crazy. Well, TJ waves like crazy right back at them.

3) I have really tried to avoid t.v. for the first year and a half of his life. Yeah, I know, I just told you that we watch the Today Show, but that has been the exception, until now. I found Noggin on our cable lineup and was thrilled to see one of my favorite kids shows, Blues Clues, regularly scheduled. And I mean the old-school episodes with Steve, pre-Joe, pre-Magenta and Perewinkle. TJ is enthralled. I guess I can let him watch 20 minutes of Blues Clues once a day. Especially if he does the "we just got a letter" dance with his mama.

4) TJ treats snack time seriously. In fact, TJ gets so excited that he takes a handful of goldfish (or whatever is for snack) and tries to shove all of them into his mouth at the same time. It used to be that he would very gingerly eat one goldfish/cheerio at a time. Not any more. He grabs two fist fulls and attempts to get as many as he can into his mouth. Then he takes for ever to chew. But when he is done, he goes after more.

5) TJs giggles. What more can I say. I love the sound of his laughs. Especially when he really gets going. There is nothing in the world quite like hearing and watching your own child laugh in pure delight and to know that you did or are doing something that got him to express such happiness.

6) The lights in TJs room has one of those dimmer dials that slowly turns the lights off. I get a kick out of watching TJ when he is in my arms at bed time and I turn off the lights. I do it slowly because he watches the lights go out with such fascination. It is the last real good look I get of TJ for the day. . . and it is a great one to capture in my minds eye. A great way to end the day.

7) TJ has gotten to be really good at blowing kisses. He does it to everyone passing by. It is really heart warming. . . . just take a look at the video below. What's not to love about this boy?

Publish Post

Family Portrait

2008-10-09T19:41:00.003-05:00

Here it is: the picture that is going to get us through the year. The family shot. Pretty good of all of us. We each have our smiles, each have a glimmer in our eyes. It captures a moment of happiness. Contentment. Peace before the storm. But-- if you ask me, the most important thing about this photo is that we are all together. . . one last time. This is the image that I am going to hold on to. This is the photo that will be all over the house, in our Christmas cards, and in Daddy's first care package.

Why the melodrama? Well, Rich is now on the other side of the world and I feel like his deployment officially started today. His first "real" day away-- or at least out of the country and out of phone's reach. I know we will talk often enough, but it is different knowing I can't just pick up the phone and leave him a voice mail. And to top it off, this first "real" day away is also our third wedding anniversary. Cue the violins.

But before he left, we did have five wonderful days together. We were a family all under one roof. We did yard work. We cooked on the grill. We went to a football game. We went to church. We went running. We went to the grocery store. Rich did the dishes. TJ and daddy read lots and lots of books. Sam played in the back yard with Poly. It was as normal as normal could be. And it was wonderful. I could not have asked for more of a weekend because we even got the perfect picture out of it. No studios No professional photographer. Just life at its best.

Happy anniversary, Rich.

Bad Habits

2008-09-28T19:23:00.004-05:00

Okay, so I will admit it: my son farts and we all (the family) laugh. It has become a knee jerk reaction. TJ makes a noise with his bottom. He immediately smiles and giggles a bit. How can I not help but to crack a smile? I recognize that this behavior will need to stop and he will need to learn that farting in public is not so funny, but sneaking a fart in private can still be done (just ask dad).

But farts are apparently just the beginning. My son has found two holes on his face where fingers fit just perfectly. Yep. I am talking about the nose. TJ has started putting his fingers up his nose. . . and leaving them there. Perhaps his little fingers stay warmer up there? I am not quite sure what the fascination is, but regardless, I need to start being a parent and educate my child that nose picking, while sometimes helpful, is never, ever funny and it is just not done.

No farts, no nose picking. I have a feeling that I will need to put the kibosh on burping next (just ask Samantha).

Mommy's Little Helper

2008-09-25T10:52:00.003-05:00

"TJ, can you throw this away for Mommy?" He takes the wad of tissue that I used to wipe his nose from my hand and heads to the trash can. He opens the cabinet door, throws the tissue in there, closes the door and walks back to me.

"TJ, lets go into the bathroom and brush our teeth." He gets up from reading his bedtime story and waddles over to the bathroom where I hand him his tooth brush. He sits down and proceeds to suck on the toothbrush. "TJ, show Mommy how you can brush back and forth." He complies.

TJ understands the English language. Not only does he understand what mommy is saying, he is actually doing what I ask of him. AMAZING.

I am really liking this stage. . . a lot. And I recognize I need to savor the moments now, while they last, because once TJ learns how to say and use the word "NO!" things are gonna change.

Slides, Trucks, and Fetch

2008-09-11T19:21:00.002-05:00

TJ loves being outside. He loves the sidewalk. Gosh, he could walk up and down the sidewalk with his push toy all day long if he had his way. He also is learning to enjoy the backyard.

Recently we inherited a little tykes play tower with a slide from a colleague of mine. It is perfect for TJ as he develops physically and explores what he can and can't do with his body. He loves sitting on the top platform with the sides all around. It is almost as if he has his own little club house elevated off of the ground. Sometimes he will take his book or his sippy cup up there and hang out for minutes on end (and for TJ minutes is a long time).

Over the course of the week he has learned how to go down the slide all by himself. He does pretty well with it too. Of course when he first started he was trying to go down the slide head first. My, he has come a long way. Also during this past week he has learned that his toy truck can go down the slide all by itself too. AND MAN DOES IT TAKE AIR! TJ thinks this is the funniest thing ever. Mom thinks it is a hoot when he laughs.

And finally, the other favorite thing TJ likes to do in the back yard is play fetch with our dog, Poly. I think TJ thinks this is pretty cool because Poly-- like TJ-- is willing to do the same thing over and over and over again. TJ will "throw" the ball and with out fail, Poly will run to get it and bring it back again and again and again. They are best friends now, cause neither of them tire of this game. TJ feels a bit more safe playing fetch when he is on the top of his club house or in his swing when he knows Poly can't jump and grab the ball out of his hand. TJ has even started rolling the ball down the slide for Poly to chase.

As the daylight gets shorter and the weather gets a little colder, we are still in our backyard trying to make the most of it before winter sets in. But man, think of the fun we will have landing in a pile of fluffy white snow.

He Who Knows No Shame

2008-09-02T19:54:00.003-05:00

Its moments like this one that just make me want to laugh. Moments that I want to file away and remember 25 years from now. Moments that I will want to share with T.J. and anyone else who will listen. . . so I record them here for you and I to read today and for all of us to remember later.

Today was just like any other day. I came home at 5:00 pm. Things were quiet in the house. I thought to myself that TJ and Olga were on a walk. Sometimes they get sidetracked and come home a little after 5:00. No problem. I now have an opportunity to change and go through the mail before they arrive.

Nope. Not on a walk. The stroller is right there in plain sight. Okay then. They must be in the back yard. Why don't I walk around the house and go through the side gate and surprise them. That will be fun.

Well. I guess I was the one that was taken by surprise. There was my little boy-- in all his glory-- nude. Naked as a jay bird. Playing in the pool. Big smile on his face. Having the time of his life. When he saw me, he got even more excited and started running in my direction. Oh what a sight, my little naked baby! I know that Olga has a tendency to resist using the diapers made especially for swimming. "He doesn't need." she says in her broken English. Now I had a better understanding why he didn't need the swim diapers.

But the best part of the whole situation was that my little boy, while he was naked, was snacking on an apple. Naked. Apple. What great irony. So as he ran into my arms, I said to him-- loud enough for Olga to hear, "Well hello, my little Adam. I see that you have eaten the forbidden fruit, but where is your fig leaf? Have you no shame?"

Yes, my little boy does not know the meaning of shame. And for now, perhaps that is a good thing. . . . so long as it stays in the back yard! :)

"No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed"

2008-08-23T20:05:00.005-05:00

Five Little Monkeys has quickly become TJ's favorite bedtime story. He got the book for his birthday from his Aunt Linda and family (a huge shout out to her for the present).

It all started a month ago when Daddy started his story time routine with TJ at bed time. Rich is an animated reader and always makes story time fun with his many voices and expressions. And if you know the Five Little Monkeys storyline, you know that, with the right reader, it can be rather amusing. TJ would sit on Daddy's lap and have him read the book over and over. The part that brought the most giggles was when daddy would "BONK" his head with his hand as the monkey in the story fell.

TJ has read the story so many times that he is now internalizing some of the monkeys'-- and daddy's-- behavior. TJ now bonks his head for sheer delight. And he things it is a hoot. He will use his hand like daddy does, but the other day he learned what a real BONK was. Ouch! I thought, that has got to hurt. Yet TJ shook it off as best he could and when he was of better sorts, believe it or not, he bonked his head with his hand as if to make the association. He gets it! This little guy is putting two and two together. I was amazed. But what tickles me even more about this story is that now, every time he walks by the corner of the table, he points to the corner and makes a wide berth around it. I guess he does not want that kind of bonk on the head again.

Here is hoping he will not now want to jump on the bed!

Missing Daddy

2008-08-21T11:39:00.004-05:00

Wow! Where did the time go? Our last post was all of our vacation photos with no explanation, no stories, and know sharing of our big news. . . . TJ IS A WALKER!

Yep. We wrote before that he took his first steps on the 4th of July, but it was not until he was at Grandmas until he really started moving. I think he wanted to wait and share this special moment with his Grandmother and run all over her enormous living room. It was amazing to watch. When TJ finally got going he was so proud of himself. He would get this big. huge smile as if to say, "Hey, everyone, look what I can do. I am so cool!"

He started off with the "Frankenstein walk". You know. . . hands out in front. . . . teetering back and forth. But now, he is successfully walking/running and even holding things in his hand. It has been wonderful to watch him accomplish this milestone. . . scraped knees and all.

Now the big news in our family is that Rich has left for Fort Dix, New Jersey: the first stop in his deployment to Iraq. I am sad but also curious to see how TJ adjusts to the day to day life without dad. He has been such a daddy's boy. He gave his first smile to dad. His first bought of laughter was to his dad. And even his first word was "da-da". It is so clear to see how much he loves and enjoys time with his father when you watch the two of them together.

Before Rich left, we recorded Dad reading some bed time stories on our video camera. Our hope is that TJ can still be read to at night by his daddy, even though he is far, far away. The other project I will be working on is making a story book for TJ about his daddy so that he can constantly see pictures of Rich and be reminded of him as much as possible.

Rich will be greatly missed this year. But we will all do our best to make sure that he is far from forgotten.

Postcards

2008-07-20T20:07:00.013-05:00

Dear family and friends,

We are on vacation - road tripping down the east coast. We'll write more later but for now here are some pictures to share.

Sam and Kira arrive at Camp

Dad introduces TJ to Myrtle Beach, SC

TJ learns a new word - share - with Chad

Mommy and TJ check out the alligators at the Homasassa Wildlife Park

TJ, dad, and Grandma explore the Blue Hole

TJ and mommy play in the sand on the Gulf of Mexico

Tales of our adventures and escapades will be posted eventually! We're only half way there!

4th of July Special Celebration (Part II of II)

2008-07-07T13:15:00.004-05:00

The summer is the time for cook outs, pools, and fireworks. Growing up in my family in Orange County, NY, the summers meant something else on Saturday nights - stock car racing. It's been twenty years since I went but on Saturday night Lisa, TJ, Andy and I went to the races.

Easily dismissed as a dirty, red neck, NASCAR wanna-be sport, dirt track racing is a fun family event and something I grew up with for half of my life. Every Saturday my dad would load twenty fire extinguishers into the back of his Monroe Lumber Chevy pick up truck, check the glove compartment for the red emergency light and drive to the Orange County Fair Speedway in Middletown, NY. He spent the night sitting in the first turn until there was the inevitable wreck and out he'd roll with his other racing buddies and assist the driver and wrecker crews to get the races started again..

Dad would tell you that he had a part time job driving the safety truck when in reality he was just a glorified fan who paired up his firefighting skills with his love of racing for the best seat in the house.

Orange County Fair Speedway is a 5/8th mile, hard clay track built for open wheeled stock cars. The track sits on the same piece of prime real estate that hosts the Orange County Fair every year. The track dries out enough during the races that dust flies up as the cars go by and then gets into everything - clothes, hair, teeth, food. Okay - so the sport is dirty.

When I an infant my mom would bring me to the races to visit dad. When I was about Samantha's age I started going with dad to the races. This was a BIG deal. First, dad would take me to McDonald's. This was in the late 1970's when there was only two McD's in the whole county. I'd get my cheeseburger and fries and wait until we got to the track before being allowed to eat. Dad would always drive through the pits, stopping to talk to everyone; drivers, officials, crew. Dad was a social butterfly. Just before warm ups we'd find ourselves backed into turn one, behind the wall, waiting.

It wasn't a free ride. My job was to plug in the red light when we rolled out. As I got older I got to ride on the back of the truck and hand out fire extinguishers. When I was 16 I got a job there working security. When I was a kid, mom came and took me home before it got too late. When I worked there - as eventually Andy did - we'd all come home after midnight, covered in dust and dirt.

Going back two decades from my last visit very little has changed. The drive in is full of tailgaters; families who make a night of it. The grand stands, the dirt, the smell of the food is all the same. It was a time warp.

The first time the cars barreled down the front stretch at over 100mph TJ shook and was intimidated. The sound shakes you and drowns out any other noise (the video below is nothing). By the end of the night he was looking for the cars and watching them break into the turns. He pointed with anticipation.

For some reason taking him to the races was a big deal to me. Something I can't even quite describe. I took TJ because it is was part of me, part of his grandfather. TJ ate the same dirt that I did as a boy, the same dirt his grandfather ate for 25+ years. I connected TJ with his name sake the only way I knew how.

4th of July Special Celebration (Part I of II)

2008-07-07T11:49:00.006-05:00

The fourth of July marks the day in our nation's history where we-- as Americans-- take pause to celebrate our independence from England, our freedom and sense of liberty. As we were celebrating this 4th of July, TJ gave us an other reason to celebrate: his independence from his walker toy and mommy/daddy's hands. He is free, independent, and on his own two feet. YEP, TJ IS WALKING!

Rich, TJ and I went to Rich's brother's house for July 4th. We were all hanging out on the front lawn. Rich had just finished playing catch with our nephew Lucas, and I had just finished escorting TJ up and down the long driveway on his walker toy. Man, he loved that thing. He discovered a new thrill of going extra fast due to the driveway's slight incline. He was practically running to keep up with gravity and inertia.

I thought TJ was tuckered out. Ends up that he was just getting warmed up and the fast pace was just what he needed to make the mental/physical bridge to walking on his own. Dad brought TJ to the lawn and put a safe distance between him and our niece, Alyssa. Dad then stood TJ up, TJ caught his balance and then ventured off toward the smiling Alyssa. TJ ended up on his bottom for the first two attempts, but by the third attempt, he was successfully taking three steps without falling. Could it be? Is he getting the hang of it? Do we have a toddler in our midst?

Alyssa and Dad increased the distance between them and TJ showed signs of excitement. We continued. We changed partners. Gradually, TJ was taking at least eight steps and making it successfully from one pair of outstretched of arms to another. HE IS WALKING!

I tell you, there is nothing more amazing than watching your 12 month old son walk toward you with a big huge smile of victory on his face. Right then and there I was so proud of my little boy. I let the emotion take over. Yes, I did cry. TJ has found his own sense of independence on our nation's Independence Day. How ironic is that?

He still does appreciate the crutch of having someone or something near by to grab if he needs to, but TJ is discovering the thrill of finding his balance and using his feet to get from point A to point B. I can imagine that in the next two weeks he will prefer walking to crawling and a whole new world will open up to this little boy (and of course to all of those who have to run after him).

Great job, TJ.

First Birthday Party

2008-07-03T18:32:00.006-05:00

TJ celebrated his first birthday party!

On the list of people who showed up were our friends Darci, Paul and Emily Gier with their girls, Olga and her children, Tony and Helen from across the street, and Glenn (my old boss). Oddly enough each person entered into the back yard everyone seemed to know each other from something other than Lisa or I.

Glenn, Paul and Emily knew each other from Lime Hollow Nature Center. Emily knew Tony from working at the hospital. Darci and Glenn knew each other from SUNY Cortland, and Olga knew Tony from being next door to him with TJ. What a small, strange circle of friends. Not that the people are strange, but that they are all interconnected.

TJ was a perfectly behaved one year old who was dotted on by her sister and the two girls, Alex and Natalie. He smiled a lot and got passed around to everyone.

It was a great night in the back yard. The set on the front of the house and the temperature was perfect for grilling and hanging out. Glenn held a seminar on "How To Hold a Garage Sale." Darci bubbled with excitement knowing that her husband was on his way home from Afghanistan for leave. The kids played and we even let Poly join the group. All that was missing was some tiki torches and mosquitoes.

TJ opened his presents with the help of his mommy and the girls. He tore through a bunch of great presents but his favorite was the Radio Flyer ATW red wagon from his mommy and daddy. We put him in the back and pulled him around the party. You would have thought he was the prince of Persia the way he smiled at his "subjects" and waved. What a ham.

TJ had a h-u-g-e cake made for him. He couldn't figure out the blowing out of the candle or that it was okay to sink his hands into the big red icing X on it. So we were a little late in getting the party organized and executed as evidenced by the writing on the cake in the video. Cake writing is not an Op Ed piece...

Thank you to everyone who came out. Thank you to everyone for the presents. We had a great party!

My Big Sis

2008-06-24T19:24:00.004-05:00

This entry is recounted to dad from TJ.

On Friday my big sister Samantha finished 5th grade and is going in to Middle School in the fall! She looked so good in her yellow dress. She was easy to spot in it. Well, that and she is taller than all of the other kids in her class!

She grabbed me and showed me off to all of the people in her school; the principal, her teachers, her friends - she had a LOT of friends.

I did my best to cheer her on during the ceremony which only led to me being hauled out by mommy. That didn't stop me from yelling louder!

I am so proud of her. She did so well in school that she is going to be in advanced math in the 6th grade! I bet she's smart enough to get into Cornell. Just think when she's old enough to be in Cornell I will be where she is at now. Wow!

The next night everyone went out to dinner and I did my best to entertain them by posing, smiling, talking, and being overall c-u-t-e. Sam wanted to sit close to me the whole time. I can tell that she loves me.

I am so lucky to be her little brother.

Fear?!

2008-06-23T19:22:00.004-05:00

TJ is a rock. Nothing phases him.

Shots and vaccines? Ha, a little whimper and he's as good as new.

Bonk on the head? Bhah, he just gets up and keeps going.

Strangers? That's just a new person to wave to.

Thunder at 2:22am? That's nothing...oh, wait a minute. Hold on everyone.

On Sunday morning at 2:22am a storm rolled through Cortland and the rest of Central NY. This wasn't the far away, distant rumble of thunder. No, this was BAM! CRASH!! KA-BooM! TJ was wide awake and screaming! Not the, "hey, where are you big people who love me?" call that we get from time to time. No, this was the, "GET IN HERE NOW!" panicked shout of a one year old in distress. Lisa went running and I turned on the light.

Lisa brought TJ into the bed and he was trembling, shaking, and w-i-d-e awake. His eyes were the size of saucers as he looked for the source of the thunder. By now the storm had moved away and the noise was less obscene. Still, TJ looked from window to window trying to find the sound.

(As I write this another storm is passing through and TJ has just gone to bed. Maybe this is a passing thing, or maybe he is too tired to care right now.)

We tried to get him to fall asleep with us. Something we have never accomplished because he wiggles to much and because I can't stand baby feet walking all over me all night long. So TJ went back to his bed and amazingly drifted quickly back off to bed.

My son is an amazingly happy, easy mannered child. I have never seen him slink back in fear from anything, really. Sunday morning was a first without a doubt. And I guess I wonder what that means. For the most part we teach our children what to be afraid of in this world. Fear of people different from us. Fear of ideas not like ours. Fear of the things we cannot explain with our own limited understanding of the world. I want my children to know what to be afraid of and to know the difference between the lightning and the thunder.

Father's Day 2008

2008-06-18T20:15:00.005-05:00

Father's Day 2008 was a pleasant first full day back from "Army" school.

Lisa brought me TJ and then coffee. Of course TJ is always a treat in the morning, full of smiles and chatter. By the time Sam got up I sported my "Best Dad Hands Down" shirt from Samantha and we were all ready to walk over to the greasy spoon that we love on Sunday mornings, Hyde's Diner.

Growing up as a kid my parents always went to the Monroe Diner, a Greek owned diner that started out as a tiny short order joint and grew over the years into a respectable place for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Going to Hyde's reminds me of those Sunday mornings.

I mowed the lawn - which is not so much of a task than a few minutes of "me time". Lisa like to fold laundry. I like to cut the grass. To each his own, at least my lawn looks good.

The kids gave me my presents; a book on steam locomotives from Samantha, and a painting of what looks like a angel fish from TJ. The day was beautiful and we drove over to the lake to try to sail.

This is my second or third time trying to sail with Lisa. Each time has met with poor results. In fact, it was only our pre-wedding day sail and our honeymoon where I had any luck. With the sailing that is... Nope, Lisa is never going to get the chance to teach me to sail.

We came back home and I go to barbecue some hamburgers - a perfect "dad job" - for dinner.

I am blessed with a wonderful family and it felt great to be a dad of two wonderful kids.

Life is good.

Happy Birthday!

2008-06-07T20:14:00.003-05:00

Wow! Has one year passed us by already? Time as flown and we are now celebrating the day that TJ came into this world as well as all that time that has passed since then.

The day started at 6:00 am with a "aaaah-ahhhh-ahhh" coming from the birthday boy's room. He was up and he clearly saw what the birthday fairy left for him overnight: three colorful balloons. Mommy greeted him with video camera in hand and sung her best rendition of "happy birthday"-- morning voice and all.

TJ also got to open the birthday present that grandma sent him: a singing birthday Elmo. He is a little unsure about this bright red creature, but he did seem very pleased that he knew how to make Elmo sing again and again and again.

All other birthday festivities: cake, silly hats, cards, more presents have been placed on hold until next week. Unfortunately on TJs first birthday both mom and dad had to be in different places. Dad is in New Jersey and Mom is at Cornell reunioning.

We are sorry that we could not do your first birthday "right", TJ. Sometimes life gets in the way of these things. But don't think for a minute that we have not thought about how special you are and how our lives have changed for the better since you entered our world at 6:50 pm on June 7th, 2007. You will always know this day as your birthday. Over time, it will come to mean different things for you: parties, presents, cake, friends, sleep overs, driver's licenses, an opportunity to vote, an opportunity to drink (legally), and even then to the years that you really do not want your birthday to count. Trust me.

But my wonderful, most precious son, I will always remember and celebrate this day as the day that I was initiated into "mommyhood" (however painful that initiation was) and how your daddy and I received such an amazing and precious gift from God.

Today I celebrate you and how much you have grown in your first year of life. And each year, on this day we will remember and laugh together as family does and let you know how much we love you and are blessed to have you in our lives.

Happy Birthday, TJ.

My First Mothers Day

2008-05-30T12:38:00.003-05:00

Earlier this month I was able to celebrate my first mother's day with TJ. As a mom, I have to say that this holiday takes on a different flavor. The love that I feel for my son is so indescribable and this day just tops it off to a whole other level. I am a mom. Yes, that means I change poopie diapers. It means I get out of bed in the middle of the night when TJ cries. It means that I can read TJ's many emotions, moods, and wants like no one else can.

As a mom, it also means that I am charged (along with my husband of course) to raise and nurture this little life. To instruct this child to the best of my ability to be the best human he knows how to be. To teach him compassion, humility, respect, love, honor, and the list goes on and on. To help him discover his God given gifts and use them to advance the world of which he is a part. To teach him to make a difference. To help him learn something and be good to someone every day of his life.

That is a tall order and an awesome responsibility. But I will do my best to savor every day of it. I owe it to my son. I am a mom.

Our Kid-Free Weekend!

2008-05-18T19:10:00.008-05:00

We enjoyed our second weekend without the kids at the Mohonk Mountain House just outside of New Paltz, NY.

It was a welcome respite before the summer that seems like it is going to go 100 mph without any breaks. In fact, this may be one of the few weekends where we both have the time and availability to get away.

Charging the batteries is necessary and this weekend did it.

He Said, She Said

2008-05-08T19:24:00.001-05:00

I say TJ said his first word.

Someone else in this house is in denial.

And only because it wasn't the word she wanted to hear.

Be-Bop Baby

2008-05-02T18:34:00.005-05:00

We told everyone in the last post, TJ has acquired a taste for music and rocks, and bobs, and moves to the beat of any music. It is hysterical to watch.

Here is some video of TJ rocking to the song "Peanut Butter and Jelly", a scat tune with lots of drum beats to it.

Neither Lisa or I are musically inclined so to see TJ get into music is a strange sensation. Is he a progeny? Do I have to buy him a drum set? Lessons - when?

Fortunately, we both have a love for music so there is lots for TJ to chose from - Carrie Underwood to Kid Rock. So until TJ show signs of a baby Beethoven lurking in those genes of his, he will just have to settle for the CD player and satellite radio.

Here's an encore!

Announcer voice: Thank you very much, TJ has left the building!

Catching Up

2008-04-27T19:40:00.002-05:00

Yikes! It has been awhile since we last wrote. Let me do a couple of highlights of TJ's 10th month:

TJ has teeth! Yep. . . two top and two bottom. There was about a week and a half there of really difficult nights. We tried baby oragel, but found that a bit of Tylenol worked much better. TJ gives us a big toothy smile now. I think he feels much better now that those first teeth are in.

TJ is sleeping through the night! YEA!!!!! I think once he got over his teething episode, he decided to master the art of sleep. For 7 days in a row TJ slept from 8:00 PM to 6:00 AM. We did break our in-a-row streak just the other night when for some reason he woke up at midnight in a fit. Bad dream, maybe? The fact that TJ can soothe himself back to sleep at night is HUGE. We love our new found rest. Its wonderful. And now that he is sleeping through the nights, he is also doing much better with his day time naps. I think the thing that has made all of the difference is that he is not getting breastfed before bed or during the night anymore. We are weaning him, and because of this, he has found other ways to soothe besides being connected to mommy's breast. He does have a bottle before bed time. But he is falling asleep in the crib and not in mommy's arms.

Yep. . . breastfeeding has now officially ended. Almost 11 months. I impress myself with how long we kept it up. I do miss the cuddle time. For some reason feeding from a bottle is just not the same. I know that TJ misses it a bit too. Any time he sees his mommy naked, he does what I call the "boobie dance" and gets all excited. For awhile I thought it was cute, but it also can creep me out that he gets sooo overjoyed. Yes, TJ just might be a breast man.

We purchased a jogging stroller. TJ loves going FAST. Mommy loves that she can find additional time to hit the pavement and get back in shape now that the weather is warming up. The stroller is great and works so well on all of the bumpy, uneven sidewalks.

TJ loves bath time in the bathtub upstairs. We have a good time. But the part that he loves the most is the tail end of the experience. Once I take him out of the tub and dry him off, he immediately pulls himself up along the side, peers in at the water draining out and then tosses all of his toys back into the water. SPLASH! He giggles uncontrollably.

The other thing that TJ loves to do in the bathroom is to watch the flushing toilet. What is it about draining water that fascinates this child? Of course the biggest chuckle of the whole thing is that sometimes he waves "bye-bye" to what ever may be flushing down the toilet along with the water. Ugh. . . we really have to watch this habit. . . some day he is going to want to flush his toys down the toilet.

The weather has been amazing in Cortland for the past week now which has allowed us to spend more time outside. We have quickly discovered that TJ does not like grass. He refuses to crawl on the lawn and when placed on the grass he will not move. We think he is just not comfortable with the texture quite yet. This, of course, has its advantages. For instance, just today we were able to lay out a blanket in our front yard and know that TJ was going to stay on that blanket while we chilled in the sun. Its like a pack-and-play with no sides.

TJ has also started to become quite the dancing machine. Any time he hears music he starts bouncing up and down to the beat. It is quite a riot to watch. At this point in time he does not discriminate between genres of music. I wonder when that will change and he will show a preference. He will even dance to mommy's singing (sometimes). He hears music, he bounces, he discovers mommy and daddy are watching and gives us a great big smile.

Finally, TJ seems to be getting ready to run a marathon. Earlier tonight we were at our church to help out with the youth group meeting. As we were waiting for the youth to arrive, we brought out a handful of toys from the nursery. One of the toys we brought out was a simple wheeled walker push toy. He warmed up to it pretty well. Of course mom was right there trying to slow down the walker so that TJ's feet could catch up. The walker went pretty fast on the hardwood floors of the multipurpose room. But after some prodding from dad, mom let go of the walker to see what TJ could manage himself. WOW! It was like we let the race horse out of the starting gate. He went with it and moved at quite a fast pace. And once he discovered how much fun he was having, he did not want to stop. We must have done over 10 laps around the room. I have never seen TJ so excited while playing with a toy and I have never known something to hold his attention for as long as the walker did. After a few laps, he would take a break, drink some water, and then get back up on the walker and GO. I am sorry that I did not have any Gatorade to give him. He was like a mini-athlete.

This past month has been a blast with TJ. It is wonderful to see him grow, learn and explore the world around him. More fun stories to follow. . . .

In Memoriam, Sue Brown February 8, 1942 to April 11, 2007

2008-04-11T09:54:00.004-05:00

It has been a whole year since mom passed away.

It has been a wonderful year for TJ. He is surrounded by so many people who love him from Grandma to Samantha to Olga to Uncle Andy and to his mommy and daddy. TJ will always have that love but never know how this grandparent could spoil a child.

As much as we miss mom, I know that she misses us even more and we are sad knowing that she was never a part of the joy TJ has given us.

Peace mom, we love you.

Bath Time!

2008-04-09T18:20:00.006-05:00

This weekend we'll re-do the bathroom and bathtub and TJ will be able to take bathies in the big tub. So in honor of the kitchen sink that has served as his tub we present this last tub time video.

We remember when he used to be able to fit long ways in the sink. Wow, amazing what 10 months can do!

And as you can see here, TJ is getting the lip smacking kissy sound down while looking like a cute, cuddly, terry frog.

Baby Swim Class

2008-03-31T14:48:00.002-05:00

Yea! The day has come. I have been looking forward to this day ever since TJ was born: baby swim class day. Okay, I know. . . why does a 9 month old baby really need a swim class? But, this was the one activity I really wanted to do with my son. I really have a strong desire to have my son develop a love for the water at an early age. I want him to love the water, to feel comfortable in the water, to be “one” with the water. I guess you can say that I see baby swim class as being the first step to shaping my son to develop the same level of passion I feel for the sea, sailing, and practically every water sport out there.

The YWCA of Cortland offers a “water babies” class that fills up fast. Apparently other parents also want to get their kids swimming early too. My original hope was to have TJ start going to water babies when he was six months old. But, I was not aware at the time how cut-throat enrollment can be for this class. I called the Y on the day that open enrollment started and they told me that the class was already full. After expressing my extreme frustration to the receptionist, I begrudgingly accepted the fact that TJ and I would just have to wait a few more months for the next session to start.

So, a few months later, I was able to successfully enroll TJ in the upcoming class. Hot dog. We had a spot! You ready for some swimming time fun, sport? I donned TJ in his cute little hibiscus patterned swim trunks and matching water shirt, put on my swim suit, packed our bags, and away we went.

TJ was a little hesitant to get into the water. We walked down the ramp and into the pool. The majority of the time in the pool, I could sense that TJ was a little unsure of what was going on. First of all, this was the first time that he had been surrounded by so many other children his age and his size. I think we has soaking in the fact that there were also little, itty, bitty people his size too. I guess this is the challenge of on-on-one day care. He was very curious as to what all these other beings were. But, I also noticed that TJ was not his usual social self. No waving, no smiling, no cute little giggles. He was out of his element and trying something new. As a result, he was a bit more reserved and focused on the new experience. BUT, he did not cry. Instead, he looked at me as if to say, “who are these people and why are we sharing bath time with them all?”

The class was somewhat comical: a whole bunch of grown adults singing to their child as they walked around in a circle. Really? We are paying for this? Really? There is a waiting list for this? Okay. . .that is the cynical side in me. The mommy side thought it was a hoot. And yes, I am excited to go again next week.

Early Riser

2008-03-30T06:39:00.004-05:00

TJ is up early this morning. He's way off of his usual routine. Lisa is out of town and TJ misses her. Nursing him back to sleep is not an option and since TJ is going through a phase where he does not want a bottle or sippy cup, it is harder to soothe him.

The 3:30am waking lasted 45 minutes and then he slept for only a couple of more hours.

So here we are at 7:something in the morning. TJ is practicing feeding himself. My coffee is fresh. The sun is just coming into the dining room.

Happy Sunday morning.

Samantha and TJ

2008-03-29T18:29:00.004-05:00

Sam and TJ spent a lot of time together this weekend. It's always amazing how much he lights up when she is in the house. What a great big sister. What a great little boy.

TJ Eats A Biscuit

2008-03-23T16:04:00.005-05:00

WARNING: What you are about to view is messy. Viewer discretion is advised.

Easter and March Madness

2008-03-23T15:40:00.007-05:00

Happy Easter! For TJ's first Easter we made it easy and didn't hide any Easter eggs. Since Mommy won't let him have any chocolate yet I wonder where all of those Kisses, foil wrapped eggs, and pastel M&Ms are going?

Church was packed and TJ came out from the nursery at the end so that all of the little grandmothers could see him. He is popular everywhere.

TJ's present for Easter is in keeping with Lisa's other holiday at this time of the year, college basketball finals. Yes, March Madness has descended upon the Brown household again. Lisa loves the finals, maybe its the last second pressure she can relate to. (I found it hard to watch Cornell get crushed by Stanford - kind of like watching a friend get broken up with, only in public, and with millions of people watching).

We got TJ his own basketball net that cheers every time he scores. We're still working on his three pointers but we're hopeful that by starting early he can get a scholarship for college.

Happy Easter to all.

"You Left The Baby's Sippy Cup At The Bar"

2008-03-17T16:02:00.004-05:00

Okay - that is not a line you hear in daily conversation yet it is one I heard Sunday morning.

Rewind to Saturday.

I had to go to Mattydale, NY for an important function for the US Army. This was a change of command ceremony which means a day with a lot of dignitaries, high ranking officers, and family members. Because I have already drilled with the unit for the month of March, and because I did not need to be there all day, and because I was spending time with my family, I convinced Lisa to come to the event with TJ and Sam so that afterwards we could split out to the Carousel Mall.

The day went as planned. TJ was a hit with everyone. He was well behaved, smiled a lot, and was quiet through the event. Sam was a rock star, politely answering questions from my boss and my boss's boss.

At lunch time we went to the local VFW for a full on reception of turkey, ham, and all of the sides. The VFW is everything you'd imagine inside the main room, lots of red, white, and blue on old paneling with lots of pictures of old men who were once brave Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen. (Of course the women at the VFW came out of the kitchen to see/hold/squeeze the baby). As we left it was mentioned that their would be a reception after the business day that would include cocktails. Again at the VFW.

The impolite thing to do would have been to go to the mall (already packed with people from the St. Patrick's Day Parade) and then go home. Instead we did the right thing and returned to the VFW.

We pulled into the parking lot at 4:00ish and decided that we'd stay for about 45 minutes. This reception was in the bar - not the meeting hall. The VFW bar is everything you'd imagine too; cheap beer, 365 Christmas lights, curmudgeons, and more "Support the Troops" stickers than Soldiers in last year's "Surge". I had a beer and made it last. Lisa too had a beer and made it last. There were friends there to catch up with, including a long lost college ROTC buddy, as well as new friends, and of course my Soldiers. Again, TJ was great, Sam was a rock star and the 45 minutes disappeared in a flash.

At 4:45 we decided to stay a little longer. Lisa got another beer and the VFW women - now at the bar - continued to faun over the baby. An hour after that we pulled ourselves away from the conversations, the electronic gambling machine (a whole other entry), and the people and drove home.

When we got home Lisa told me that we'd left TJ's cup behind and told me to pick it up the next day.

Sunday morning I entered the Reserve Center and it was as if everyone lined up to tell me that we'd left the cup at the bar. But that wasn't the best. No. The best part of the day was when I went to lunch with my new boss and her boss to the local diner. There in the diner was one of the VFW women. You guessed it, in front of everyone she blurts out in a nice load voice, "You left the baby's sippy cup at the bar!"

Great - dad of the year.

Garlic!?

2008-03-05T14:35:00.003-05:00

Last week, Olga (TJ's day care provider) asked me if I was pregnant.

"What?!" I exclaimed. That is a personal question. . . and God help me if I am, I thought.

She told me how TJ had been refusing my breast milk recently and it caught her by surprise. He has always been a healthy eater and eats even when he is not hungry (which means he is good at spiting up what he doesn't want when his tummy is full). She has really had to work with him to take a bottle. Apparently there is an old wives tale out there that says the make up of your breast milk changes when you are pregnant and that you child will know you are pregnant before you do.

I assured Olga that I was not pregnant and suggested that maybe TJ was having an off day.

Well, three days later I discovered what the source of the problem was: Garlic. No joke, there was a small clove of garlic in my breast pump shield. For the past three days, as I have been expressing my breast milk I have also been infusing it with a hint of garlic (at least I hope it has been a hint).

Somehow, when things were piling up in the kitchen over the weekend, a clove of garlic managed to get trapped in the shield. I do routinely rinse and clean the shield, but I reserve the cleaning of all of the smaller pieces to once or twice a week. It was not until the "deep clean" that I discovered the clove.

My poor little TJ. Mommy is sorry. Glad to know that I am not pregnant again. . . yet.

Two Hours of Quiet

2008-03-01T22:05:00.002-05:00

It's Saturday at 10:00. I have been home for two hours while Lisa is out with Samantha and TJ at the last Cornell hockey game of the season. I had drill all day and into part of the night. When I got home the house was dark and quiet.

What do you do when you finally have the whole house to yourself? You turn on the TV and fall asleep in front of it. Am I fun or what?

Last night Lisa went out with a group of women and had a good time.

Either way, having some time to yourself is a great boost after a full day of work and a full evening with the children.

Uh-oh, they're home.

"I Feel The Need, The Need For Speed!"

2008-02-23T09:07:00.002-05:00

As reported earlier, TJ is now mobile. He has two directions, forward and backward. He now has something else - speed.

TJ can cross the floor rather quickly depending on what he is going after. The more he shouldn't have something the faster he goes. For example, if he is trying to get a toy we put out there for him, TJ just lumbers along, stops from time to time to sit up, looks around and gets there when he feels like it. BUT - if he is trying to get to the electronics equipment for the TV/stereo/XboX/TiVo he can move out rather quickly.

Naturally, he is much more fascinated and drawn to the electronics. Or the dogs chew toy. On the latter, Poly is very good natured and rather than growling or snapping, she just goes and picks it up and moves it or lays in front of it.

All of this speed and fascination has led to a new word in TJ's listening vocabulary, "no." The word "no" at the right tone and inflection can stop him in his tracks just long enough to look over his shoulder, ponder, and continue on his travels. I go over, pick him and remove him from the area he should not be in and in the time it takes me to sit back down he is half way back to said area.

(Unfortunately, Poly thinks the "no" is always directed at her and she is getting a little neurotic with all of this behavior modification.)

So in the past week not only did we start to crawl forward, but also crawl forward quickly. Lisa is now going through the mental gymnastics of baby proofing the house. The physical gymnastics will be assigned to me, of course.

Yea!

Forward Gear

2008-02-21T20:37:00.003-05:00

It's official! TJ is now a forward crawler.

The phone call came on Saturday afternoon. I was working at our annual AD White Student Leadership Conference at Cornell. Dad and Samantha were at home for the day on "baby duty". I could not take the call right away, but when I found the moment to call back, Rich said, "we got ourselves a crawler."

"Really!" I remarked. "How far can he go?"

"How far do you want him to go?" Rich said back.

Earlier that day as people were asking me how TJ was doing my standard remark was, "he is doing well. He is crawling backward, he just needs to figure out how to get it into forward gear." I guess he found it.

I am so pleased to know that Dad and Sam were at home to see it first. Yep, mommy guilt crept in. I was not at home to see the first crawl. But at least Rich could be a part. There is so much that he may miss in the future. . . so I will give him this one. He deserves it.

Now that it has been a few days, TJ is becoming more familiar with forward gear. His speed is increasing. But he still pops it in and out of neutral and reverse quite a bit. Baby proofing the house is in our near future. We know that for sure.

TJ's First Valentines Day

2008-02-14T10:58:00.003-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day! Oh boy. TJ MUST love his mommy and daddy, because for his very first Valentine's Day he gave us the gift of sleep. Yep! That is right. TJ slept through the entire night. A first! Bed at 8:00 PM and woke up at 6:15 AM. Yippee!

Of course mommy woke up at 3:00 AM a little panicked that she had not heard a peep from her son. I did go in and check on him to see if all was right. Recently, TJ has discovered the joy of sleeping on his tummy. This of course causes mommy to stress and think "SIDS! He is going to die of SIDS". Yes, the "back to sleep" campaign really brainwashed me to believe that any time on baby's tummy while asleep is bad. But I am starting to understand now that if he can roll over, he can roll back, AND he is quite capable of lifting his head, his whole body, and even moving to a sitting position. However, mommy parinoia still haunts me at the wee hours of the night.

Now I have to be honest and tell you that while TJ sleeping through the night is a great joy, it also can produce a great pain. You see, if TJ sleeps-- and sleeps long-- my breasts get full, heavy and uncomfortable. They are ready to provide him with a little midnight snack, as they have for eight months now. I really think it was my chest pain that woke me up.

So I was faced with a dilemma as I crawled back in bed. I was happy that TJ was asleep. But I also was uncomfortable enough to know that I was not going to be able to fall asleep until I reduced a bit of my swelling. I did not want to wake TJ to feed him (and ease my pain). I liked that he was sleeping. But if I went downstairs to pump, don't you think it would be my luck that TJ would wake up at 4:00 (as he is accustomed to doing) and be hungry and have no snack waiting for him? After trying to talk to my half-asleep husband about my situation, I made a compromise and went downstairs to pump half of what was available.

Ends up TJ did not wake up at 4:00 like I thought he would. At this point in time it is hard to predict TJ's sleeping patterns. He surprised me this Valentine's Day. I have no idea if this pattern of sleeping through the night will continue. But for now, I am appreciative of the gift he gave his dad and me: a good night sleep (minus the 3 am pump) and a hope that more nights of peaceful slumber are not that far off for the whole family.

What a sign of love. Thanks, TJ!

The Big Sister

2008-02-06T10:14:00.000-05:00

Samantha has taken on the role of big sister in strides. At first she was tentative about being "replaced". Sam, especially during the pregnancy, showed signs of anxiety over getting lost in the shuffle as the delivery day came closer and closer. She became a little more detached and a little more argumentative. (The fact that she is 10 going on 14 may also be a contributing cause.)

During Chritmas vacation Sam learned that TJ is not always the focus of everyone's attention all of the time. Obviously TJ needs attention but that does not mean that it to the exclusion of attention to her. For example, Sam and I went kayaking one morning. When we were at SeaWorld we took turns riding the Kraaken with Sam while TJ sat on the sidelines. This winter Sam and I go skiing every Wednesday and every other weekend.

The down side is that TJ takes up so much of Lisa's time that Sam feels shut out. Sam's "girl friend" has less time to spend with her. Its hard to explain to a child that the situation requires Lisa being more involved with TJ over Sam. Its hard for Sam not to feel left out when she is only with us part time.

Samatha with TJ is amazing. TJ lights up when Samantha is in the room. At dinner TJ sits in his highchair across from his sister and smiles. Sam on the other side encourages the smiling with faces (that she turnes "off" when I look over to her - what she doesn't realize is that I can see her reflection in the window). Sam plays with TJ and goes out of her way to kiss him good night or say good bye to him at the end of the weekend. Sam wants to be involved with her brother (unless he is crying).

As a father to both, I know that I am blessed. I know the relationship between half siblings could be difficult and challenging. However, at the outset Samantha is doing great. TJ loves his big sister and Sam loves her baby brother.

First Signs of Communication

2008-02-05T21:16:00.000-05:00

Just a few days before TJ turns 8 months, we are seeing signs of TJs desire to communicate. That is, communicating in other means besides crying.

Just last week he started using the ASL sign for "more" when eating his cheerios. At first, when Olga told us he started to sign, I thought it was impossible for him to do this so early on. Really? He told you he wanted more cheerios? Come on. But then I saw it for myself that night at dinner. Granted sometimes I get confused between when he is clapping and when he is wanting "more", but it is obvious he is doing something intentionally.

Now TJ is starting to wave. A few mornings ago, I brought him downstairs after he just woke up and seeing his sister and father for the first time that morning, he raised his hand and moved it around as if to say, "Good morning!" It was adorable. Now he is raising his hand and shaking it in other situations too. I think he gets it. . . now he just needs to work on his fine motor skills.

It is exciting to know that TJ is starting to understand how to communicate. We plan on teaching him and using other signs in the next few months and I look forward to him picking these up too.

The Family Journal

A Letter to the Older Rich Brown

Happy Birthday, Neighbor!

Playing With Technology

And We're Walking, We're Walking

A Walk Down Memory Lane Part I

Merry Christmas 2011

Redemption

Happy, Happy. Merry, Merry. Joy to the World

It's Time to Play the Music, It's Time to Light the Lights

Grant Robert Brown is One Year Old

Thanksgiving 2011

The Gold Star Mother and My Dirty Little Secret

Halloween 2011

Kid Updates

Boy's Night In

Not My Kids!

Hello, October

A Quick Thank You Note

Summertime Pictures

Teenagers! Aaughh!!

When Your Kid is Cooler Than You Part II

How About Some Pictures?!

Mark This Day

When Your Kid is Cooler Than You

Makes Me Laugh Every Time I See It

Where Does the Time Go?

Grant "Moose" Brown

I am Yours

Brother's Keeper

Gee, Man

Frenzied

Family Heirlooms

Happy Anniversary!

Back on Track

Happy Fourth of July

Before TJ Turns Three

Found

It's A Lot

Vacation. Part 2 - Easter

Vacation. Part I - Why Disney

The Stories We Will Always Share Pt I

Welcome Home

Saying Good-Bye

Let the Pictures Tell the Story

I Love NY

Out with the Old, In with the New

A New Night Time Friend

First Words

Signs of Spring

Winter Is Gone

100 Days

A letter to TJ on Inauguration Day

Reflections on the Holidays

The Saturday Ritual

Travel, Thanksgiving, Weddings and Basketball

The little things

Family Portrait

Bad Habits

Mommy's Little Helper

Slides, Trucks, and Fetch

He Who Knows No Shame

"No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed"

Missing Daddy

More Postcards

Postcards

4th of July Special Celebration (Part II of II)

4th of July Special Celebration (Part I of II)

First Birthday Party

My Big Sis

Fear?!

Father's Day 2008

Happy Birthday!

My First Mothers Day

Our Kid-Free Weekend!

He Said, She Said

Be-Bop Baby

Catching Up

In Memoriam, Sue Brown February 8, 1942 to April 11, 2007

Bath Time!